Jack

Jack

April 6, 2003 – January 14, 2014

There are no words I could write that would do Jack’s life justice. There are no words to convey what he was to me. I want to try anyway, because he was extraordinary in every way.

I was immediately drawn to Jack’s eyes. Jack was a stunning blue merle aussie with one blue eye and one parti eye. The coloring wasn’t what drew me to his eyes though—it was the sparkle, the joie de vivre that was there until the very end.

My husband and I always called him our “furry son” for a reason—he felt like a son. Loyal and precious are words that cannot even begin to describe him, but he also had a funny sense of humor, and seemed to always know what was on my mind. We communicated constantly without words, and he was excellent at anticipating my every need. He never ceased to surprise me that way. One example is from only a few months ago, when he was more mobile. The kids were going in and out of the house, and it was driving me nuts. I looked at Jack, and I muttered, “They’re driving me crazy!” Jack never hesitated, he looked right in my eyes, glanced outside at the kids, and jumped up and turned the deadbolt on the door! Then he sat down and looked me right in the eyes again, clearly pleased with himself.

The kids. Boy, did he adore my kids. Each of my kids joined our family when older—they were each between 6 and 8, and each of them came from traumatic pasts. Jack was there for them in every way imaginable –whether he was trying to cheer them up by being a clown, getting them to play with them, giving them hugs (yes, Jack would daily come up to us, when we were sitting and put his paws around our necks, effectively hugging us) or providing a shoulder to cry on. I don’t know how my kids would have made it through the transitions and grief without him. As for Jack, he always seemed his very happiest when he was being smothered by all 3 of them at once.

Jack also left me with a gift—his dog. No, Jack never had puppies, but I found one once in the Rio Grande—a bedraggled little border collie/spaniel mutt. I said, “No way. No more dogs.” But Jack took an instant liking to the pup, and claimed him as his own. In the past couple weeks, Jack’s dog, Spencer, has been an immense source of comfort as I’ve struggled to let go of my dearest companion. Like I said, Jack was always anticipating my needs before I knew what I needed.

My heart is still shattered into so many pieces. We’ve lost dogs before, but this was the hardest—I didn’t think it possible, but this loss may even be slightly more difficult than the loss of Molly. Possibly because losing Molly was like losing my closest female friend, and Molly was ready to go. Jack was more like a son, and his eyes still sparkled with that joie de vivre. We made so many memories together—and there were so many things I wanted to experience with him yet.

Jack was one of the sweetest blessings I’ve ever received from God. I don’t know why it was for only 10 ½ short years.  I wish it didn’t hurt so much. But as my husband reminded me the other day, it hurts so much because he provided us with such immeasurable joy for more than a decade.

Introverts, Homeschooling, RAD, Bullying, Sexual Surrogacy, and more: Sunday Bloggy stew

I've read some fantastic things on the internet the past couple weeks, and I think you should read them too! :)

I love answering questions about homeschooling. There's just one (frequent) question that drives me bonkers. Jamie at See Jamie Blog, does a bang up job of answering said annoying question here.

I don't really have anything to say about this next one, except read it: RAD–the anti-adoption sign

I found this one really encouraging when you're in the trenches, but I also think it's an indispensable read for those about to embark on adoption or foster care: Romanticizing adoption? Don’t do it!

As an introvert, there are certain challenges to motherhood...you know, like being around small people All. The. Time. This post really spoke to me: The Introverted Mother

and two from The Matt Walsh Blog:

I’m an introvert, and I don’t need to come out of my shell --loved this one. I felt like it was specifically written for the 3/5 of my household that happens to be introverted.

and

A letter from a bullied kid --great advice for any kid dealing with the jerks of the world.

From Her.meneutics: We Don't Need Sexual Healing --a great post on sexual surrogacy

If you only have time to read one post today, make it this one.

If you're at all connected to the adoption world, you're probably familiar with a certain Reuters article of late. I love this response.

Butterflies, Ants, and War

Today I took the kids for a walk in the desert park. Much like that fateful day 12 years ago, I felt like getting away from the media and enjoying something as changeless as nature. It was sunny and humid (for a change) so I was huffing and puffing my way up a hill, when I heard my youngest exclaim, "Oooh! A worker ant carrying a little caterpillar! I bet it's taking it to it's queen. Oh, I just LOVE watching ants work!" This was shortly after I heard "Look a black swallowtail butterfly!" and we all had to stop and watch. Each delighted sighting of nature brightened my day in so many ways.

I often think of my life as having happened in two segments: before 9/11 and after 9/11. The before seemed more lighthearted and happy, the after seems more weary and suspicious. It fills me with incredible sadness that my kids have only known the latter their whole lives.

The week leading up to the anniversary of September 11 always fills me with somber reflection. My husband was stationed at Ft. Carson in Colorado Springs in September of 2001. I was a part time college student studying French and Nutrition. We had been married almost 3 years, and life was pretty good. The only uncertainty in our lives was that my husband was about to discharge from the military in November, and we weren't sure where life would take us next. We loved CO, and hoped to stay in the area, enjoying a lifetime of hiking, snow, amazing views and awesome breweries.

September 11th was a class day for me. I stopped at a Safeway to grab some zinc, because I was feeling a cold coming on. As I approached the checkout, I noticed everyone staring open-mouthed at the TV. I asked the person next to me what had happened. Without looking away from the TV, they said a plane had hit one of the twin towers. I looked up at the TV and watched in horror as a second plane hit the second tower. My thoughts were a jumble, but I'll never forget them: "Shit. We're at war. There's going to be a stop-loss. This had to be Osama bin Laden. What if this is a coordinated effort across the US? Is Fort Carson safe? Those poor, poor people. Does my husband know about this yet? Is my husband going to war?" I walked out of the store with an incredibly heavy heart. I looked over at Pikes Peak, and I was reminded instantly that God was still in control. He was still on His throne, and He would bring us through what would undoubtedly be a difficult future. At the same time, I knew that life as I knew it was about to change forever. And it did. My husband didn't end up leaving the military. He felt like he'd be leaving his country in a bind if he left as we were on the brink of war. So, we packed up, left our beloved Colorado, and headed to a new duty station (in a new branch of the military.) Three children ended up joining our lives, so that we eventually became a family of five.

The world has become a rougher place than I remember of those pre 9/11 days. War, violence, terror and poverty consume the news. Americans are weary. And yet, some things remain the same. Little worker ants take food to their queen, and my children delight in watching it happen. God cares for even that little worker ant, and provides for its every need. Though my children are so aware of the violence, pain, war, and sadness in the world, God also takes care of their little minds in this post 9/11 world, reminding them of the truth of His loving care, and giving them great delight in the ordinary.

Proud Mama...

Missy at It's Almost Naptime has a brilliant idea: My Kid Rocks Monday. It's too easy to focus on the more challenging aspects of parenthood sometimes, so Missy has suggested Mondays for bragging on our kiddos. This is a blog hop I'm only too happy to join!

My Zeze really is one of the most thoughtful caring human beings you could ever meet. She's so sensitive to the needs of those around her. This deployment has been hard on me, and she knows it. So to make my life easier, she writes me little love notes, comes up and rubs my back, and organizes surprise cleaning up of toys. These are all things she's done for me in the past week. Today my sweetie pie helped her little sister with her math, and cleaned up all their toys cheerfully for me AND volunteered to fold clothes for me :)

CJ is having a really time time with having his Papa away. It's been a really rough challenge, but that hasn't stopped him from being helpful when he can. He even took the trash out without being asked (AND remembered to replace the liner in the trash can!) Today he got his math done in record time with nary a complaint. He also drew a beautiful picture of a coyote pup howling at the moon (he's an amazing artist!!!)

Chérie is just pure sweetness. This morning when she realized CJ was cold, she covered him with part of the blanket she was bundled in. This afternoon when my mom was complaining that she could never beat my score on Word Drop, Chérie came right over and said "I'll help you, Grandma!" I teased her and said it wasn't fair to gang up on me, and she said, "But Grandma needs my help!"

Missing him

It's 12:30 am, and I'm not sleeping because my heart aches for my hubby. Sigh. Deployments never get any easier.

I remember when we were first married and stationed in CO Springs. Being married to a soldier was...quite an adjustment. The separations were really hard. People told me not worry--that they get easier. They Lied. Through. Their. Teeth. Each deployment gets so much harder. With each one we've shared more of a life together, we've become more...one. Being apart hurts so much more now.

Then there are the kids. Their pain in being separated from their father only intensifies mine. Every happy moment and accomplishment has a sad part to it as well, as they inevitably mention "I wish Papa were here for this."

My lack of friendships has also really stood out this time around. We've increased our family by three children in three years. That doesn't leave a lot of time for friendships. Until Cullen left, I didn't realize how much I depended on him as my (nearly) sole source of friendship and support. The frustrating thing is that being a temporarily single parent to 3 kiddos really doesn't put me in a position to seek fellowship with other women.

The upside I suppose, to these challenges, is that what doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. I know it makes my relationships with my hubby and kids stronger. Cullen has a lot of trust in me right now. My kids and I have really had to band together to keep going. My appreciation and love for my husband has grown in his absence. These are strange blessings, because they are blessings, but they're born out of a lot of pain.

Pain as blessing is hard for me to grasp. Which is kind of funny, because in many ways, it's been rather the theme of my life. I tend to think that blessings should come out of the blue, like a wonderful gift as you're just going about in life. Certainly not be born out of gritty, bloody difficult circumstances. I'm coming to understand though, that the best things in life are the ones fought for--the ones that are hurt and anguish redeemed.

Now I don't even know if I'm making sense any more, as it's the middle of the night. But I feel better, and hopefully I can sleep--knowing full well that tomorrow holds more pain...and more blessing.

In the words of Winnie the Pooh: "Think think think."

I imagine most of you out there in the blogosphere have seen Jefferson Bethke’s “Why I Hate Religion But Love Jesus,” but perhaps you've missed two excellent responses (both responses include the video, so if you haven't seen it, you'll have the chance to before reading the responses to it) Personally, I think Bethke's video is an excellent example of why it's important to think critically and look below the surface; just because something sounds good, and makes you feel good, doesn't mean it is good.

So please go check this out, and this too--even if you disagree, I think you may still enjoy reading these responses.

I may not have time to write blog posts, but...

I do have time to pass on a terrific link to a blog post. Holly's post here, is the best post I've read in a while. She provided me with some much needed encouragement, and I pass this post along with the hopes that it will provide the same encouragement for you too!

There is a reason for everything...

...and the reason I haven't blogged in forever is because at the end of December we were placed with a little girl for adoption. Then my hubby deployed 10 days later. 'Nuff said ;)

I'll likely be back blogging about our newest journeys in life once I have a chance to catch my breath. That might be days, weeks or months at this point. I haven't given up on blogging--I just have three little people requiring a lot of me at the moment.

That fine line...

I've often heard it said that there's a fine line between concern and worry. I think when it comes to the deployment of a loved one, that line is perforated.

It's normal when you're apart from your spouse for extended periods to think about them and what they're doing when you wake up in the morning, and when you're head hits the pillow at night...and about a million other times during the day. It's normal when you know they're in a dangerous part of the world, to scan the headlines first thing in the morning to see if anything happened in that part of the world.

As we prepare for my husband's deployment, it's prudent for me to consider what I should do if he doesn't come back. We have two kids, and I need to plan for our future. We've been married nearly 13 years; I met my hubby when I was 16. We were engaged when I was 17, and married when I was barely 18. We've grown up together. We've influenced one another incredibly. When I think about the possibility of him not coming home, all of these thoughts go through my head. My chest starts to hurt, and I feel like I can't breathe. Without even noticing, I've crossed over into the realm of worry from the perfectly sane place of concern.

If I cannot keep myself in the land of normal concern, what am I going to do with two kiddos who already worry incessantly that their father or I will die? These two already spend a great deal of their time in fearful worry.

Sigh. I suppose if life were too easy, I'd be bored with it.

...sometimes boring sounds nice though!

Here's a great article dealing with some of the ethical issues surrounding adoption today.

I especially loved this part:

If there’s one thing I could point to in myself and my adoption hopes that seems flawed and likely to contribute to corruption within the system, it’s this: Like most people, even evangelicals, I’d love to adopt a newborn. A healthy newborn. But the fact is, children fitting that description are a small percentage of the millions of orphans worldwide. Adopting an older child, and/or one with disabilities, seems different from adopting a “perfect” newborn. But you know what? If you read adoption literature widely and deeply, you’ll see that there is no single path to a “perfect” adoptive family. (And is there one path to any kind of “perfection” in any kind of family?) Even the healthy newborn adopted on day two can end up having serious attachment problems. The older child with a disability can become the joy of a couple’s life.

Yes, adoption is expensive (easily close to $30,000, depending on the route one takes), ethically confusing, frustrating, and occasionally heartbreaking. Our adoption by God through Christ wasn’t cheap, either, and we who would adopt shouldn’t give up because it’s hard. Rather, we should wisely discern what’s truly best for all involved—even if it means opening ourselves to the potential for greater hurt.

Because who knows? It may yet be the avenue for greater joy.

Waiting

My post title sums my life up pretty well. We're waiting.

Still in the adoption process waiting to be matched--waiting to find out who the next little precious member of this family will be.

Waiting (and dreading) my hubby's upcoming deployment. I don't care what anyone says, you never get used to living apart from your soul mate. Never. And it ALWAYS hurts. I want it over with. And I'm nervous about how the kids will take it. They're dread of it has more than begun as well.

Our other house has been on the market for more than 100 days. We really need it to sell. We don't even care about a profit anymore, we just need to be out from under the enormous burden of a second mortgage.

I know, everything happens in God's timing. In the meantime I hurt. I long for that little member of our family to join us. I worry that it won't ever happen. I worry about all the things that will go wrong during hubby's deployment. And trust me, stuff WILL go wrong. I know how much it hurts to be apart from him, and how much it hurts my kids. I'm not looking forward to our suffering. I'm downright scared that our other house won't sell and that we're going to run out of money in the meantime (which day by day becomes an increasingly very real possibility). I'd like to say I'm 100% confident that these things will happen in God's perfect timing, that He will care for us and comfort us no matter what transpires in the meantime...but sometimes I worry, and a little voice whispers in my head what if He doesn't? What if He doesn't care? I'm totally crappy at trusting God. I always want to know the reasons WHY it all hurts so much sometimes.

It just so happens that today when I've really been struggling with these doubts and fears, I picked up a book and read the following by Os Guinness:

To suffer is one thing, to suffer without meaning is another, but to suffer and choose not to press for meaning is the worst of all. Yet that is the suicidal submission that faith's suspension of judgement seems to involve.

There are times when we see glimpses of God's ways but not enough to allow us to make true conclusions about what he is doing and why. Yet we cannot resist jumping to conclusions anyway. Then, being insistent as well as inquisitive, we refuse to suspend judgement, and our wrong conclusions to misrepresent God that we end by doubting him. But if Christian's faith is to be itself and let God be God at such times, it must suspend judgement and say, "Father, I do not understand you, but I trust you."

Os Guinness goes on to outline why we can trust God. It really was just what I needed today. I still feel antsy and scared and have no idea what the future holds and how many heartbreaks may be ahead. But now my mind returns to these words from Os Guinness:

Doubts about the Father are silenced in the Son...the truth of the Incarnation is not just good theology; it is practical comfort and assurance. Jesus identifies with us in our humanity, and now we know that God is for us in Christ. He can be trusted. He went through torture too. When we see Jesus on the cross we can come to trust God with an unutterable trust that never for a moment considers he will not stand by us in our sufferings.

Do children destroy wedded bliss?

I read an interesting blog post today. Here a woman insists that she and her husband enjoy a "lifetime honeymoon" because they’ve avoided numerous stressors by choosing not to have children. I think she’s dead wrong, and I come from the unique experience of having been child free for 10 years of marriage before becoming a parent.

Now, I want to preface this by saying that I do not believe every couple should have children. Just as God calls some to singlehood, I also believe that He calls others to a life void of parenting. I believe every person should follow God’s will for their lives, and that a fulfilling life can only be found by doing so. Also, if you go to the woman’s blog to read her opinion, please don’t leave comments attacking her or the purpose of her blog. I’ve included the link because I believe it to be a fascinating (though erroneous) post, and my own post was brought to my mind after thinking about hers, but I have no wish to cause her any problems with negative traffic on her blog.

My husband and I have always been deeply in love—before and after children. But having children is an experience I’m glad we’ve had because it’s certainly adds a new dimension to that love. I get the opportunity to see my husband love and care for his children. I see him sacrifice himself for them, and my love for him increases as I watch him. I know that not only has our love intensified through the parenting process, but we’ve each gathered a whole new appreciation of one another as we see the other parent. We also work together as a team in a whole new way.

Parenting is a job after all—an enjoyable, rewarding job, but certainly a job nonetheless. Working together side by side with your lover and best friend on an intensely personal, emotional, fulfilling and challenging mission is hard to describe in words. It brings a certain satisfaction and intimacy to your marriage that would be difficult to replicate outside the role of parenting.

So, let’s talk about stress. Do kids add stress? Well, I’m curious; doesn’t any close relationship add an element of stress? I know that I love my dogs more than life itself, but they’re expensive and we’ve dealt with intensely stressful behavioral problems. I know that just about every close friendship I’ve had has involved stressful conflict at some point. Every relationship comes with its problems, but we get and give so much out of it that I can’t imagine avoiding relationships to avoid stress. Not to mention stress can strengthen a relationship.

I know that sounds crazy, but think about it. It’s sort of along the line of what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. My relationship with my husband is very strong, and I attribute that in large part due to the fact that we’ve walked through fire together—before and after having children. When you’re going through rough circumstances, it’s hard to look past the agony, but once you’re through it, you can look back and thank God for giving you an experience that forced you and husband to come together before God and trust Him to carry you through. Now, I’m not saying that parenting is agony—far from it, but I’m trying to show that going through hard times (whether or not children are in the picture) together strengthens your bond. Parenting may or may not be one of those hard things—depending on your personal circumstances.

Has parenthood reduced the satisfaction of some marriages? I’m sure it has, judging from the number of “confessions” out in cyber land. Does it reduce the satisfaction of every marriage? Absolutely not. Can having children increase the satisfaction of your marriage? Judging from my own marriage, and my friends’ marriages whom I’ve discussed this with, I can only answer with: absolutely yes.

If you...

Are an adoptive parent


Want to become an adoptive parent


or


Know an adoptive parent...


You need to read this.

Love is...

...staying up the entire night and cleaning up after someone who is violently ill all over your bedroom carpet and bathroom floor...

...because they stole one of your lip balms and consumed it (plastic and all)...

...then feeling no animosity towards them when they have the luxury of snoozing all day (when you have to care for/school your children)...



...someone is darn lucky I love him.

Praise God for a wonderful Labor Day.

I never really used to consider Labor Day a holiday. I actually thought it was a bit ridiculous. Now my husband is a hard working Sergeant, and I'm excited about any day that means an extended relaxing weekend together as a family.

I don't remember last Labor Day. I suspect that I probably have blocked it out. We had no honeymoon period with CJ. At. All. Last Labor Day he would have joined our family a mere 3 weeks prior. He was in a lot of emotional pain, which he only knew how to express through anger. A LOT of anger. All. The. Time. This time last year was not fun. Sometimes I forget that. I shouldn't. Even though it was a horrible time in all our lives, I think it's important to remember.

Today was such a marvelous day together as a family and I didn't think much beyond thanking God that we all got to enjoy a beautiful day together (hubby was off work) It didn't even occur to me that last year this time our whole family felt hostage to my son's emotional problems. At that time our circumstances felt so hopeless, and our future so bleak,I could never even have envisioned a holiday where we were happy.

Last year at this time I was crying out to God begging Him to help my son, and help my whole family make it through. I continued crying out to Him for months.

How soon we forget.

How grateful I am.

Thank you, LORD.

Relationships: A Mess Worth Making... a rather brief disjointed review (as a stay at home/ home schooling mom, I'm juggling a few things as I blog)

Yesterday I finished reading Relationships: A Mess Worth Making by Timothy S. Lane and Paul David Tripp. I kind of think it should be required reading for all humans (well, part of it anyway, but I'll get to that later.)

I love my parents a lot, and they did a lot of things right in raising me, but they really missed it when it came to teaching me how to behave in a Christlike manner in relationships. A lot of that is probably because their parents never taught them. One of my parents has been wounded a lot in life and thinks it's better to avoid the pain and mess in relationships all together. But that not how we were made, and it's not what God intends for our lives. God uses our relationships with those around us to mold and shape us us, build us up, discipline us, and teach us to be more Christlike. Having never really been taught this, I tend to suck at relationships. Enter Relationships: A Mess Worth Making.

I've always maintained that relationships are always messy because we're all sinners. In many ways, this book is great guide for navigating all the mess. It illustrates how God uses relationships in our lives and how to behave in Godly way in relationships. It has biblical and practical ideas concerning how to behave when you've sinned or been sinned against, how to seek reconciliation, what mercy looks like, what forgiveness actually is, and how to approach others dealing with difficulty (there's a lot more too!) But though the books has teaches a lot about behavior and has great advice, that's not primarily what it's about. It's about your heart. Because at the heart of every relationship problem is a heart problem. Which brings me to an important warning about what this book is not...

This book is not a program to manipuating those around you so you can acheive the relationship of your dreams (let's just be honest here, that's exactly what most relationship books are). I fact on page 11 is says:

Skills and techniques appeal to us because they promise that relational problems can be fixed by tweaking our behavior without altering the bent of our hearts.

This book addresses your own sinful heart. As such, be warned, it's a convicting read!

I can say that though it's not a program for better relationships, reading Relationships: A Mess Worth Making has improved my relationships. It's made me evaluate my heart, God's desire for my interactions with others, and how to think about others. Because it's changed me, my realtionships have been changing.

I'm not going to tell you everything in the book, because I want you to read it. Specifically, I want you to read chapters 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10 and 12. Honestly the rest of the book seemed like filler, and rather unnecessary. But those chapters really cut to the heart, and teach so much--not only about relationships, but also about yourself and your relationship with God.

If you have parents, sibling, children, a spouse or friends, this book is for you. If you haven't any of those people in your life, this book is for you!

Relationships: A Mess Worth Making quotes C.S. Lewis several times, and I'm going to conclude with one here to give you a little food for thought:

What Sunday afternoons are for...

I have a confession to make....

Here it is: I...LOVE being a mom. I cannot imagine my life without my kids in it. I enjoy them now, and I love watching as they mature and our relationship changes. I look forward to the future and the relationship we have then. I enjoy our time together. And we have a lot of it together (remember: I'm not only a stay-at-home mom, but I home school as well)

Posts like this make me feel like a freak for enjoying motherhood.

Maybe it's because I was schooled at home myself. My friends were older (often adults) or significantly younger at times. I think the most important thing I learned in my education was developing relationships outside my age group.

I like my kids. I'm not able to be buddies with them, because I'm still their parent, but I enjoy a great relationship with them. My mom is one of my very best friends, and I can barely wait until I have the same sort of relationship with my own kids.

Do my kids drive me insane sometimes? Of course they do. So does my hubby and my extended family. It comes with the territory when you have a bunch of sinners interacting on a regular basis. Heck, even my dogs drive me insane sometimes, and they don't even sin (the insanity they cause might be because I sin enough for them and me put together!)

So there's my confession. My name is Laura, and I'm a total freak for loving motherhood and recognizing my children as a blessing from God.

He gives the barren woman a home,
making her the joyous mother of children.
Praise the LORD! Psalm 113:9

Things I learned this week...

If you pray for someone you hate, you can't hate them anymore.

Sometimes "Oh my God." is the only prayer you can manage to utter.

My 9-year-old daughter is AMAZING in an emergency situation.

Even if the only time you can carve out to read a novel is 11pm-2am, it's worth it.

My sister is an awesome person (I actually already knew this ;) )

Reading the classics with my kids in the evening is a treasure for all of us (really never pictured this!)

I am IN LOVE with this song:

I needed a pep talk today, so here it is...

Have you ever noticed that as Christians we tend to assume God only calls us to things we enjoy? So many times I hear people say that God hasn’t called them to _____________, and I want to ask them, “Are you basing this on the fact that it doesn’t appeal to YOU because it would suck?” The thing is, God calls us to hard stuff. It’s not about us. It’s about HIM. If God only called us to the things we like, no Christian would ever:

Become paralyzed

Love someone with a mental illness

Become unexpectedly pregnant when they feel their family is complete

Adopt a child with RAD

Be infertile

Have cancer

Struggle in their marriage

Lose a loved one

Have a child born with scary medical issues

Face financial difficulty

Or experience any other emotional or physical pain. God uses these things to show us His love, to grow us, and for His own glory. Of course you don’t want the bad stuff. But with the bad stuff comes some really really good stuff-- if you’re living in obedience to God. I know it’s scary, we're supposed to step out in faith to follow Him. It helps to remember: it’s not about YOU! He has a purpose, and what greater purpose could you have than to be part of whatever God is doing? Even if it hurts. And it’s gonna hurt. Life hurts. Change hurts. But hurt can be good. Without that pain we become stagnant.

I am not a freaking saint. I don’t enjoy the hard stuff. But I know that it comes from Him. He uses it to shape me, and those around me. Most amazingly, He uses it to bring about His own glory, and I get to be a part of that.

You are no different than I am. Don’t act like I’m some sort of Mother Theresa who’s more equipped to deal with the hard stuff than you are. I am incredibly selfish. I’m demanding. I like things MY way. My tongue can (and sadly has) cut others down in an instant. I am impatient. I HATE noise. I like to be the boss of everything. Things I cannot control make me incredibly anxious and often furious. I am utterly and completely ill equipped for the jobs God has given me. He has called me to them anyway. They point me ever more to Him, because I wouldn’t be fit for anything without Him.

Instead of trying to tell God what you’re called to, why don’t you listen to Him? You’ll probably be REALLY surprised to find out what He’s called you to, and that He will make up for all your inadequacies along the way.