Open your eyes; open your heart

It's been a while since I've blogged. Almost a month, actually. There's been a lot of tedious little things keeping me from my more enjoyable parts of life (friends, blogging, activities...they've all sadly been cut short lately.) From illness to IRS difficulties, to roadblocks in getting our old home on the market...it's been consuming (and fatiguing). I've also been feeling a little down regarding at issue near and dear to my heart.

18 months ago hubby and I began a search to build our family. Ultimately this search brought us to our son, CJ. I'm grateful that was God's plan, as I love him more than life itself. During this search we became aware of 3 other individual boys in need of permanent families. Though our paths did not intersect, I have often thought of and prayed for each of these intelligent, adorable, sweet young men. Recently I was looking at some adoption photolistings when I saw each of them still listed there. Still in foster care. Still with no potential family in sight.

Had God not brought us together, this is where my precious son would be. Still waiting. Needing a place to call home and people to call family.

It breaks my heart to think of these boys, held indefinitely in limbo as they wait for a family who may never come.

Please consider making room in your heart and home for a child waiting in foster care. Throw away the myths--you know what I'm talking about. You've all heard stories about troubled older children and the problems they cause. I'm fairly certain those tales are created by bitter, guilty feeling people who have never been able to justify their lack of desire to make a hurting child their own. That's what we're talking about here: hurt kids. Not troubled; hurting.

You have the ability to completely change the trajectory for a human being who may not have much of a chance in life otherwise. You could take a child who has experienced little besides pain and make them a beloved treasured child.

Am I saying it's easy? By no means! It is the most challenging, difficult, impossible task you could ever envision taking on. It's also without doubt, the most rewarding experience you will ever have in your entire life...if you're willing to step out of your comfort zone, live your faith and show God's love to ones who need it most.

Go to www.photolisting.adoption.com look at their faces, I know it's hard, but let your heart break for them. Pray for them by name with their face in your mind. Open your heart and listen to how God is calling you to these children. Pray for them, love them. Even if that's all you ever do for them, it more than most have ever done for them.

Sometimes I'd like to be taken for granted a little more...

This week we celebrated CJ's birthday. He had a wonderful day. He thanked me all day for making his day special. We didn't do anything extraordinary. School was out due to lack of power from our major winter storm. So he helped me make a giant chewy cherry chocolate cookie for his birthday, then he had a special lunch (while watching the Berenstain Bears) then hubby came home so CJ opened his presents, then we all went out for sushi (CJ's request) where we all we adventurous enough to try the Dancing Monkey roll (tempura banana, peanut butter, avocado wrapped in grilled eel) We came home and sang "Happy Birthday" around the giant cookie. It was a simple birthday, but it was fun, and he didn't stop thanking me all day for giving him a fantastic birthday. I have a sweet kid. It never occurred to me to thank my parents for my birthdays...I thought it was owed to me by gracing the world with my presence! I don't know what his previous birthdays were like or how/if they were celebrated, and I imagine that makes a difference too. One night my daughter said to my husband a few months after we adopted her "How can I ever thank you enough for adopting me?" I would never have thought to thank my parents for having me. I've never been without a family. I've never laid in bed wishing at night that I had parents. My daughter has. I'm glad my kids have grateful hearts, but I kind of hope that someday they take some things for granted...like Mamas making birthdays special, parents buying food and clothes for their kids, parents loving their kids. I think we should be grateful for all God has given us, but I hate that my kids have perfectly clear memories of being rejected and mistreated and feeling unsafe. I want them to feel so secure in our love that they take it for granted. I know how bizarre that sounds. I know many of you probably work hard to instill grateful hearts within your children, but I cannot help but see the pain behind the gratefulness with my kids. I know there are so many more children out there who will go to bed tonight wishing for parents. So many children never given the opportunity to be grateful for health, love, and safety. Join me in praying that God will grant them more than they could ever dream of in terms of love, security, and a place to call home.

Resolutions...

A new year is upon us. So many people see a new year as a new chapter to be written in their lives. They often speak of making a difference in their lives. I wonder how many people have considered making a difference in someone else's life. There are many, many ways to do this, but I'm going to focus on one in particular. Every single week of my life, I run into someone who tells me they've always wanted to adopt from foster care. I don't know anyone though who has actually done it afterwards. I've pondered a lot the reasons for this when there are so many children in foster care waiting for families. I think it's fear. It's makes sense--it's a scary journey. You wonder What if a social worker doesn't think I'd make a good parent? What if the child doesn't like me? What if a child we bring into our home hurts another of our children? What if he/she has RAD? What if the trauma they've experienced has ruined them? These are all questions I struggled with before we adopted our son. I felt sure though that it was what we were called to do, so I had to step out in faith. Along the way I found some great resources to help answer a lot of my questions. The best one was this: Resources for Parents Adopting from Foster Care --there you will find statistics like the following: FOSTER CARE STATISTICS * Currently, there are approximately 425,000 children in foster care in the United States. It's estimated that 115,000 are eligible for adoption. *In 2009, about 57,466 children were adopted from foster care. *69% of parents who adopt from foster care are married couples, 31% are single-parent families. *Median age of child in foster care: 8.1 years. *Race/ethnicity of children in foster care: 38% Caucasian, 30% African-American, 22% Hispanic, 10% other. *The average child in foster care goes through three different placements and stays in the system for about 30 months. *Each year, about 26,000 children age out of foster care. As well as a myriad of personal stories from those who have adopted children from foster care. Check it out. If your thighs don't shrink in 2011, it's not that big of a deal in the great scheme of things; consider making a change this coming year that will truly make a difference in someone's life.

Adoption is beautiful, but ugly attitudes persist...even among adoptive parents.

Adoption is beautiful. It doesn't matter if that child is brown, white, African, American, Guatemalan, Chinese, etc. A child is a child is a child, and when a child is in need, it's so beautiful when God meets that need with a family. What's not so beautiful are some of the ugly attitudes about adoption. Now, I just want to preface what I'm about to say with the fact that I have absolutely nothing against international adoption--I think international adoption is wonderful, and if God so leads our family, we will enthusiastically pursue international adoption at some point. Now that the disclaimer is over, I have to say, I am heartily sick of the prevailing attitude among adoptive/potential adoptive parents that international adoption is somehow a superior form of adoption over domestic, because children domestically supposedly aren't in need. It makes me quite angry when I hear proponents of international adoption say that the children in US foster care don't experience real need the way children in other countries do. I think this view is bred largely of ignorance. Children in foster care have real need. Children are 11 times more likely to be abused in State care than they are in their own homes. So much sexual abuse takes place in foster homes, as victims come into homes unequipped to deal with their needs and then mimic the things done to them towards other children. It's hard to get actual statistics, as not many children are willing to talk about sexual abuse they've experienced, but it does appear that few children escape foster unscathed by sexual abuse. Nationwide, an estimated 30,000 adolescents age out of the foster care system each year. According to the Child Welfare League of America, 25 percent become homeless, 56 percent are unemployed, 27 percent of male children end up in jail. In fact, 80 percent of prison inmates have been through the foster care system. There are wonderful foster parents out there. There are also abusive and neglectful ones. So please don't tell me that the needs of all the children in foster care are being met, so we shouldn't waste resources helping them. I personally know children who have suffered physical abuse, medical neglect, and sexual abuse while in foster care (for the record, I also know children who were loved and treated quite well in foster care, I just know far fewer of them). When a child is not able to receive basic medical care, enough food to eat, or have a safe place to sleep at night, their basic needs are NOT being met. So there are holes all over the argument that US adoption isn't as important as international adoption. This though, I really think is secondary to the most important motive in adopting any child (anywhere in the world) Giving a child a family--a place to be loved and cherished, a home. That is the most important issue. And there are children all over the world, from your very own city to the other side of the planet with this need. You either have a passion to help children in need, or you don't. If you do, you'll advocate for children all over the planet, not just from where you assume (and in your opinion) the most need exists. God told us to care for orphans. Period. He didn't include a global map with push pins showing us where the most important orphans reside. They're all important. Every last one. So many beautiful ways to show God's love to the world. The whole world.