Growth? No, really, I'm good.

"Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Control freak--now you say 'control freak who?'" Yes, I am a control freak. No, I don't actually have one iota of control over anything. The fact that recognize both makes me sound a little less than sane, huh? :) Last week was insanely stressful. I spent most of one of the days at the social security administration...nuff' said. Next one of my child had an EPIC meltdown. Then we had our new microwave installed...which didn't fit, and thus had to be uninstalled, packaged back up, and sent back to the store. Then we got screwed over by a reputable company when we tried to refinance our mortgage (we were outright lied to) Then I ended up with a hefty penalty bill on my kids' B-day party, because people who didn't RSVP showed up. Then the cherry on top was receiving a $3,000.00 bill in the mail for our son's dental work a few months ago--a bill that we had been told was covered by insurance...a bill that arrived here labeled 90 days past due and with finance charges attached (no, we hadn't received any previous communication from them) On top of all this, I was in terrible pain when my allergies kicked in from the incredibly windy weather. I was in the car complaining to my husband that I was so happy to say good riddance to such an awful week, and I couldn't believe my allergies were so horrible, when my son asked me if God makes everything happen for a reason, shouldn't I be rejoicing? Darn it, who is teaching these kids these things?? Oh, yeah. I guess if I'm going to have a pity party, it should be out of the earshot of the kiddos, otherwise I'm likely to learn something or grow a little ;) Someone reminded me this week as I was complaining that I am so freaking sick of learning lessons in life, that if I wasn't learning, I wouldn't be growing. I have to admit, this was a week that I would have happily accepted less growth. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay less. Laying about and enjoying the scenery, with nothing happening at all kind of less. I'm real mature that way.

The Box

Me: "You know what your problem is? You never think outside the box!" Hubby: "Well, you know what your problem is? You HATE the box! You're nowhere near the box! The box doesn't even EXIST as far as you're concerned! THAT'S what YOUR problem is!" It’s true, I’ve never been good with the box. I don’t think in it, and I don’t fit in it. Being unconventional is just who I am, so it doesn’t bother me much, but it can be heart breakingly lonely at times. Most of my life I’ve been blessed to have a few kindred spirits around to make life more full of joy, and far from lonely. Unfortunately, when I took a more unconventional path to motherhood, loneliness really struck. Most women have babies. Cute, adorable little bottle sucking babies. They meet other moms-to-be and new moms and join mommy groups, and end up with an amazing support systems. Being a new mommy to a 6 1/2-year-old is without such opportunities. You’re definitely far outside the new mommy box, and no one knows what to do with you. You’re tired, emotionally worn out, dealing with a host of issues as you bond as a family, and there is virtually no one to lean on. New Mommies are dealing with breastfeeding, colic, and diapers. They’re looking for other mothers dealing with the same issues. Mother’s of school age children are already tightly part of cliques formed when their wee ones were born. They don’t know what to do with a woman who is facing motherhood for the first time in her life--to a school aged child at that. Somehow I knew. Before I ever became a mother, I would see Mommy groups advertised in our church bulletin, see face book groups come together and find times to meet, watch groups of moms at the park, and I longed to be a part of them. But even then, even before children, a small voice reminded me that probably would never be me. I’ve wasted a lot of time in my life wishing I were more conventional. Wishing I could get in the box with everyone else (even though I’m a little claustrophobic at the very thought!) Sometimes you just want to belong. I guess the upside of this experience, is that I’ve learned to be more considerate of people who don’t belong. It’s made my heart ache for orphans who have no one permanent in their lives. It has filled me with admiration for single mothers. It has given me sympathy for single people in churches where the congregation is mostly neatly paired off into couples. The occasional experiences where I have been included where I don’t belong have meant so much to me. The people who have taken the time to ask me to dinner over the years when my husband has been deployed have a special place in my heart. Inviting half of a couple to a dinner party isn’t really the norm. You really have to think outside the box to reach out to someone dissimilar to you. We like to surround ourselves with the familiar. Couples without children hang out with other couples who don’t have children. Singles hang out with singles. Couples with young children spend times with couples with young children. Empty nesters tend to veer to other empty nesters. It’s comfortable and familiar. I imagine though, that our experiences would be so much richer if we branched out to include those who “don’t belong” in our circles. To enjoy conversation and spending time with people from all walks of life is an adventure, and broadens our perspectives and thoughts. So what holds us back? Comfort? I love mac and cheese (well, mac and vegan cheese substitute at any rate) it’s a great comfort, but I don’t eat it every night of the week. Variety is good …and healthy!

Dog is my Co-pilot... and gift from God above

It saddens me so much when I contemplate the plight of dogs and cats in shelters every day. I know, it’s a big shocker that the woman who wants to find a home for every orphan in the world wishes every dog and cat could have a home too. Some people call me a softie, others ‘the crazy dog lady’ others just call me crazy. Our family has 6 pets, and 5 of them are rescues. I can see how some people would think it’s a tad odd. It’s a lot of work, and a lot of expense, but most of all it is a lot of joy. You see, I’m not some emotional nut who can’t help herself. I feel that it’s a calling from God. A lot of people scoff at the time, expense, and effort I’ve gone to in helping mere animals when abortion and poverty exist in the world. But a sin is a sin--whether it’s discarding the animals God has entrusted to our care, or the continued death of the unborn through abortion. God has laid the plight of these animals on my heart, and I’m going to fight for them, whatever evils exist in the world that someone else may deem a more worthy cause. If you’ve had the joy of sharing your life with a dog, you know what I’m talking about when I say dogs are special. We enjoy each and every member of our 5 dog pack. People scratch their heads at that--so many think that to have more than 1 dog is redundant. I assure you, it is not! They are each so different, and you can form such amazing relationships with them. One of things I find most amazing about God’s love for us is the existence of the dog. He didn’t need to give us dogs, but he loves us so much, that he did any way. Dogs are amazing for our health and well being. I have been through many agonizingly lonely periods in my life. If it hadn’t been for the canine companions God placed in my life during those difficult times, I don’t know how I would have gotten through. Their personalities and capabilities are absolutely astounding. I enjoy their companionship so much. I also appreciate all the things they do for me (aside from plowing through bags of food and vet bills!) They provide me a much needed source of protection, as my hubby, by the nature of his job, is often away. They encourage me to get out and exercise. They eased my daughter’s transition into our household (as I imagine they will do for our son when he joins us in a couple months). They provide me with much entertainment and joy. They watch my daughter when we’re at the park, and don’t allow strange dogs/people near her when she’s out of my reach. Okay, you’re thinking, so get a dog, not 5! Well, that’s where the calling from God part comes in. He gave us these amazing creatures, and told us to take care of them. We in turn, allowed them to breed indiscriminately, then abandoned the ones couldn’t care for. The pet overpopulation problem is so out of control, that many dogs, while not intentionally so, are basically bred to be killed. God gave me a desire to care for these animals and help them. So that’s what I’m doing. Not everyone can keep up with and enjoy several dogs, but he designed me with these abilities and desires. Maybe God has laid a different cause on your heart. Maybe he’s given you several (as he has for our family) That’s great! He’s made us all so different, each with different gifts and purposes. Don’t assume though, that your cause is somehow more important than mine; when God lays something on your heart, you should give it your all no matter what it is.