Introverts, Homeschooling, RAD, Bullying, Sexual Surrogacy, and more: Sunday Bloggy stew

I've read some fantastic things on the internet the past couple weeks, and I think you should read them too! :)

I love answering questions about homeschooling. There's just one (frequent) question that drives me bonkers. Jamie at See Jamie Blog, does a bang up job of answering said annoying question here.

I don't really have anything to say about this next one, except read it: RAD–the anti-adoption sign

I found this one really encouraging when you're in the trenches, but I also think it's an indispensable read for those about to embark on adoption or foster care: Romanticizing adoption? Don’t do it!

As an introvert, there are certain challenges to motherhood...you know, like being around small people All. The. Time. This post really spoke to me: The Introverted Mother

and two from The Matt Walsh Blog:

I’m an introvert, and I don’t need to come out of my shell --loved this one. I felt like it was specifically written for the 3/5 of my household that happens to be introverted.

and

A letter from a bullied kid --great advice for any kid dealing with the jerks of the world.

From Her.meneutics: We Don't Need Sexual Healing --a great post on sexual surrogacy

If you only have time to read one post today, make it this one.

If you're at all connected to the adoption world, you're probably familiar with a certain Reuters article of late. I love this response.

Butterflies, Ants, and War

Today I took the kids for a walk in the desert park. Much like that fateful day 12 years ago, I felt like getting away from the media and enjoying something as changeless as nature. It was sunny and humid (for a change) so I was huffing and puffing my way up a hill, when I heard my youngest exclaim, "Oooh! A worker ant carrying a little caterpillar! I bet it's taking it to it's queen. Oh, I just LOVE watching ants work!" This was shortly after I heard "Look a black swallowtail butterfly!" and we all had to stop and watch. Each delighted sighting of nature brightened my day in so many ways.

I often think of my life as having happened in two segments: before 9/11 and after 9/11. The before seemed more lighthearted and happy, the after seems more weary and suspicious. It fills me with incredible sadness that my kids have only known the latter their whole lives.

The week leading up to the anniversary of September 11 always fills me with somber reflection. My husband was stationed at Ft. Carson in Colorado Springs in September of 2001. I was a part time college student studying French and Nutrition. We had been married almost 3 years, and life was pretty good. The only uncertainty in our lives was that my husband was about to discharge from the military in November, and we weren't sure where life would take us next. We loved CO, and hoped to stay in the area, enjoying a lifetime of hiking, snow, amazing views and awesome breweries.

September 11th was a class day for me. I stopped at a Safeway to grab some zinc, because I was feeling a cold coming on. As I approached the checkout, I noticed everyone staring open-mouthed at the TV. I asked the person next to me what had happened. Without looking away from the TV, they said a plane had hit one of the twin towers. I looked up at the TV and watched in horror as a second plane hit the second tower. My thoughts were a jumble, but I'll never forget them: "Shit. We're at war. There's going to be a stop-loss. This had to be Osama bin Laden. What if this is a coordinated effort across the US? Is Fort Carson safe? Those poor, poor people. Does my husband know about this yet? Is my husband going to war?" I walked out of the store with an incredibly heavy heart. I looked over at Pikes Peak, and I was reminded instantly that God was still in control. He was still on His throne, and He would bring us through what would undoubtedly be a difficult future. At the same time, I knew that life as I knew it was about to change forever. And it did. My husband didn't end up leaving the military. He felt like he'd be leaving his country in a bind if he left as we were on the brink of war. So, we packed up, left our beloved Colorado, and headed to a new duty station (in a new branch of the military.) Three children ended up joining our lives, so that we eventually became a family of five.

The world has become a rougher place than I remember of those pre 9/11 days. War, violence, terror and poverty consume the news. Americans are weary. And yet, some things remain the same. Little worker ants take food to their queen, and my children delight in watching it happen. God cares for even that little worker ant, and provides for its every need. Though my children are so aware of the violence, pain, war, and sadness in the world, God also takes care of their little minds in this post 9/11 world, reminding them of the truth of His loving care, and giving them great delight in the ordinary.

I may not have time to write blog posts, but...

I do have time to pass on a terrific link to a blog post. Holly's post here, is the best post I've read in a while. She provided me with some much needed encouragement, and I pass this post along with the hopes that it will provide the same encouragement for you too!

Do children destroy wedded bliss?

I read an interesting blog post today. Here a woman insists that she and her husband enjoy a "lifetime honeymoon" because they’ve avoided numerous stressors by choosing not to have children. I think she’s dead wrong, and I come from the unique experience of having been child free for 10 years of marriage before becoming a parent.

Now, I want to preface this by saying that I do not believe every couple should have children. Just as God calls some to singlehood, I also believe that He calls others to a life void of parenting. I believe every person should follow God’s will for their lives, and that a fulfilling life can only be found by doing so. Also, if you go to the woman’s blog to read her opinion, please don’t leave comments attacking her or the purpose of her blog. I’ve included the link because I believe it to be a fascinating (though erroneous) post, and my own post was brought to my mind after thinking about hers, but I have no wish to cause her any problems with negative traffic on her blog.

My husband and I have always been deeply in love—before and after children. But having children is an experience I’m glad we’ve had because it’s certainly adds a new dimension to that love. I get the opportunity to see my husband love and care for his children. I see him sacrifice himself for them, and my love for him increases as I watch him. I know that not only has our love intensified through the parenting process, but we’ve each gathered a whole new appreciation of one another as we see the other parent. We also work together as a team in a whole new way.

Parenting is a job after all—an enjoyable, rewarding job, but certainly a job nonetheless. Working together side by side with your lover and best friend on an intensely personal, emotional, fulfilling and challenging mission is hard to describe in words. It brings a certain satisfaction and intimacy to your marriage that would be difficult to replicate outside the role of parenting.

So, let’s talk about stress. Do kids add stress? Well, I’m curious; doesn’t any close relationship add an element of stress? I know that I love my dogs more than life itself, but they’re expensive and we’ve dealt with intensely stressful behavioral problems. I know that just about every close friendship I’ve had has involved stressful conflict at some point. Every relationship comes with its problems, but we get and give so much out of it that I can’t imagine avoiding relationships to avoid stress. Not to mention stress can strengthen a relationship.

I know that sounds crazy, but think about it. It’s sort of along the line of what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. My relationship with my husband is very strong, and I attribute that in large part due to the fact that we’ve walked through fire together—before and after having children. When you’re going through rough circumstances, it’s hard to look past the agony, but once you’re through it, you can look back and thank God for giving you an experience that forced you and husband to come together before God and trust Him to carry you through. Now, I’m not saying that parenting is agony—far from it, but I’m trying to show that going through hard times (whether or not children are in the picture) together strengthens your bond. Parenting may or may not be one of those hard things—depending on your personal circumstances.

Has parenthood reduced the satisfaction of some marriages? I’m sure it has, judging from the number of “confessions” out in cyber land. Does it reduce the satisfaction of every marriage? Absolutely not. Can having children increase the satisfaction of your marriage? Judging from my own marriage, and my friends’ marriages whom I’ve discussed this with, I can only answer with: absolutely yes.

Praise God for a wonderful Labor Day.

I never really used to consider Labor Day a holiday. I actually thought it was a bit ridiculous. Now my husband is a hard working Sergeant, and I'm excited about any day that means an extended relaxing weekend together as a family.

I don't remember last Labor Day. I suspect that I probably have blocked it out. We had no honeymoon period with CJ. At. All. Last Labor Day he would have joined our family a mere 3 weeks prior. He was in a lot of emotional pain, which he only knew how to express through anger. A LOT of anger. All. The. Time. This time last year was not fun. Sometimes I forget that. I shouldn't. Even though it was a horrible time in all our lives, I think it's important to remember.

Today was such a marvelous day together as a family and I didn't think much beyond thanking God that we all got to enjoy a beautiful day together (hubby was off work) It didn't even occur to me that last year this time our whole family felt hostage to my son's emotional problems. At that time our circumstances felt so hopeless, and our future so bleak,I could never even have envisioned a holiday where we were happy.

Last year at this time I was crying out to God begging Him to help my son, and help my whole family make it through. I continued crying out to Him for months.

How soon we forget.

How grateful I am.

Thank you, LORD.

Relationships: A Mess Worth Making... a rather brief disjointed review (as a stay at home/ home schooling mom, I'm juggling a few things as I blog)

Yesterday I finished reading Relationships: A Mess Worth Making by Timothy S. Lane and Paul David Tripp. I kind of think it should be required reading for all humans (well, part of it anyway, but I'll get to that later.)

I love my parents a lot, and they did a lot of things right in raising me, but they really missed it when it came to teaching me how to behave in a Christlike manner in relationships. A lot of that is probably because their parents never taught them. One of my parents has been wounded a lot in life and thinks it's better to avoid the pain and mess in relationships all together. But that not how we were made, and it's not what God intends for our lives. God uses our relationships with those around us to mold and shape us us, build us up, discipline us, and teach us to be more Christlike. Having never really been taught this, I tend to suck at relationships. Enter Relationships: A Mess Worth Making.

I've always maintained that relationships are always messy because we're all sinners. In many ways, this book is great guide for navigating all the mess. It illustrates how God uses relationships in our lives and how to behave in Godly way in relationships. It has biblical and practical ideas concerning how to behave when you've sinned or been sinned against, how to seek reconciliation, what mercy looks like, what forgiveness actually is, and how to approach others dealing with difficulty (there's a lot more too!) But though the books has teaches a lot about behavior and has great advice, that's not primarily what it's about. It's about your heart. Because at the heart of every relationship problem is a heart problem. Which brings me to an important warning about what this book is not...

This book is not a program to manipuating those around you so you can acheive the relationship of your dreams (let's just be honest here, that's exactly what most relationship books are). I fact on page 11 is says:

Skills and techniques appeal to us because they promise that relational problems can be fixed by tweaking our behavior without altering the bent of our hearts.

This book addresses your own sinful heart. As such, be warned, it's a convicting read!

I can say that though it's not a program for better relationships, reading Relationships: A Mess Worth Making has improved my relationships. It's made me evaluate my heart, God's desire for my interactions with others, and how to think about others. Because it's changed me, my realtionships have been changing.

I'm not going to tell you everything in the book, because I want you to read it. Specifically, I want you to read chapters 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10 and 12. Honestly the rest of the book seemed like filler, and rather unnecessary. But those chapters really cut to the heart, and teach so much--not only about relationships, but also about yourself and your relationship with God.

If you have parents, sibling, children, a spouse or friends, this book is for you. If you haven't any of those people in your life, this book is for you!

Relationships: A Mess Worth Making quotes C.S. Lewis several times, and I'm going to conclude with one here to give you a little food for thought:

I needed a pep talk today, so here it is...

Have you ever noticed that as Christians we tend to assume God only calls us to things we enjoy? So many times I hear people say that God hasn’t called them to _____________, and I want to ask them, “Are you basing this on the fact that it doesn’t appeal to YOU because it would suck?” The thing is, God calls us to hard stuff. It’s not about us. It’s about HIM. If God only called us to the things we like, no Christian would ever:

Become paralyzed

Love someone with a mental illness

Become unexpectedly pregnant when they feel their family is complete

Adopt a child with RAD

Be infertile

Have cancer

Struggle in their marriage

Lose a loved one

Have a child born with scary medical issues

Face financial difficulty

Or experience any other emotional or physical pain. God uses these things to show us His love, to grow us, and for His own glory. Of course you don’t want the bad stuff. But with the bad stuff comes some really really good stuff-- if you’re living in obedience to God. I know it’s scary, we're supposed to step out in faith to follow Him. It helps to remember: it’s not about YOU! He has a purpose, and what greater purpose could you have than to be part of whatever God is doing? Even if it hurts. And it’s gonna hurt. Life hurts. Change hurts. But hurt can be good. Without that pain we become stagnant.

I am not a freaking saint. I don’t enjoy the hard stuff. But I know that it comes from Him. He uses it to shape me, and those around me. Most amazingly, He uses it to bring about His own glory, and I get to be a part of that.

You are no different than I am. Don’t act like I’m some sort of Mother Theresa who’s more equipped to deal with the hard stuff than you are. I am incredibly selfish. I’m demanding. I like things MY way. My tongue can (and sadly has) cut others down in an instant. I am impatient. I HATE noise. I like to be the boss of everything. Things I cannot control make me incredibly anxious and often furious. I am utterly and completely ill equipped for the jobs God has given me. He has called me to them anyway. They point me ever more to Him, because I wouldn’t be fit for anything without Him.

Instead of trying to tell God what you’re called to, why don’t you listen to Him? You’ll probably be REALLY surprised to find out what He’s called you to, and that He will make up for all your inadequacies along the way.

Open your eyes; open your heart

It's been a while since I've blogged. Almost a month, actually. There's been a lot of tedious little things keeping me from my more enjoyable parts of life (friends, blogging, activities...they've all sadly been cut short lately.) From illness to IRS difficulties, to roadblocks in getting our old home on the market...it's been consuming (and fatiguing). I've also been feeling a little down regarding at issue near and dear to my heart.

18 months ago hubby and I began a search to build our family. Ultimately this search brought us to our son, CJ. I'm grateful that was God's plan, as I love him more than life itself. During this search we became aware of 3 other individual boys in need of permanent families. Though our paths did not intersect, I have often thought of and prayed for each of these intelligent, adorable, sweet young men. Recently I was looking at some adoption photolistings when I saw each of them still listed there. Still in foster care. Still with no potential family in sight.

Had God not brought us together, this is where my precious son would be. Still waiting. Needing a place to call home and people to call family.

It breaks my heart to think of these boys, held indefinitely in limbo as they wait for a family who may never come.

Please consider making room in your heart and home for a child waiting in foster care. Throw away the myths--you know what I'm talking about. You've all heard stories about troubled older children and the problems they cause. I'm fairly certain those tales are created by bitter, guilty feeling people who have never been able to justify their lack of desire to make a hurting child their own. That's what we're talking about here: hurt kids. Not troubled; hurting.

You have the ability to completely change the trajectory for a human being who may not have much of a chance in life otherwise. You could take a child who has experienced little besides pain and make them a beloved treasured child.

Am I saying it's easy? By no means! It is the most challenging, difficult, impossible task you could ever envision taking on. It's also without doubt, the most rewarding experience you will ever have in your entire life...if you're willing to step out of your comfort zone, live your faith and show God's love to ones who need it most.

Go to www.photolisting.adoption.com look at their faces, I know it's hard, but let your heart break for them. Pray for them by name with their face in your mind. Open your heart and listen to how God is calling you to these children. Pray for them, love them. Even if that's all you ever do for them, it more than most have ever done for them.

Scary things working together for good...

It has been a really rough week—one of the worst I’ve had actually…and it only WEDNESDAY! I shudder to contemplate what else the week might hold.

So far this week, I’ve had to call 911 twice (not for anyone in my family, thankfully), my husband found out he will be deploying (and it’s disappointingly sooner than we had anticipated), one of my dogs has been desperately ill, my mom left for home, my kids have been depressed and bottling their emotions in my mom’s absence, and we found that there’s a possibility (a rather strong one, actually) that due to the military my husband will be forced to live apart from us for a long period of time in a year and a half or so (longer than can be measured in mere months)

It’s times like these that I question every decision we’ve made, looking for the mistake. It’s times like these when I’m glad the world is ending on Saturday. (Just kidding about the second one) I think I question every decision we’ve made because it’s hard for me to imagine at times that life’s circumstances can be very difficult and still have gone exactly as planned. Thankfully one of the stressful experiences at beginning of the week illustrates (on a very small scale) how even that which appears to be difficult in life can have an important purpose.

On Friday my mom was delayed on her trip home because my sis (whom she was supposed to travel with) was dealing with hassles in getting out of base housing. She was delayed until Monday. This dragged out the misery of good-byes, and my poor sis was living like a nomad until she had permission to leave. Then on Sunday I was installing a curtain rod (desperately needed in my upstairs east facing bedroom window) when I started breaking the screw anchors. I’ve never done that before, and I was REALLY frustrated. So hubby took me to Home Depot to buy more. In Home Depot we ran into friends. We chatted, and as we were saying goodbye, one of our friends collapsed and lost consciousness. Hubby and I dialed 911, and stayed with them until paramedics arrived (my husband is a CPR instructor and knows first aid) The employees were nice, but utterly clueless; it was good that we were there. When I got home I told my mom what happened. She said “You were providentially hindered from installing that curtain rod so you could be at Home Depot where you were needed.” Later she also reminded me that if my sister hadn’t been hindered in leaving base housing, mom would not have been there to watch the kids, and Cullen and I would not have been able to be at Home Depot.

I’ve been clinging to that experience all week. I may never know this side of heaven why these difficult circumstances are being heaped upon us right now, but I can have confidence that everything—the good and the difficult work together according to God’s purposes. The scary things are still frightening, but I know I have a God who loves me, and He will care for me. Even though I can’t see the big picture, I can rest in knowing that He drew the big picture.

Remembered by God

God has surrounded me with love the past few days. My family has been walking a tough road of late, and just when I'd reached the point when it felt as though God had forgotten me, He showed me that he has not. First, He is sending my mom(!) --I really need her right now. Today he also sent a believer to give me the comfort and encouragement of scripture I so desperately needed. God is so good. Just when I felt the depths of despair, He reminded me of his loving care. Today someone told me "...remember God will not give you more than you can handle. Well…actually He does, but He helps you carry the burden!" My friend could not have spoken truer words.

When my family has been called to walk the difficult paths, I always start to question whether I actually listened to God, or mistakenly gone my own way because it's so hard, and I'm not up to the task. But He never said following Him would be easy, and He certainly didn't tell me to go it alone. He never said I need to up to the task. It doesn't matter if I am. HE is.

Sometimes life is very very hard, and I think my tears could be measured in gallons during these times. Happiness isn't measured by how easy something is though. And sometimes true joy can be experienced when you're traveling a path of tears and heartache. It's part of the seeming paradox of knowing the joy and peace that can only be found in Christ, while living in a fallen world.

It's been a hard day, but I'm ending it with a grateful heart. I'm grateful to my God for never leaving me in my distress. I'm thankful for his followers who pour His love out on one another. I'm thankful that I am His.

Growth? No, really, I'm good.

"Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Control freak--now you say 'control freak who?'" Yes, I am a control freak. No, I don't actually have one iota of control over anything. The fact that recognize both makes me sound a little less than sane, huh? :) Last week was insanely stressful. I spent most of one of the days at the social security administration...nuff' said. Next one of my child had an EPIC meltdown. Then we had our new microwave installed...which didn't fit, and thus had to be uninstalled, packaged back up, and sent back to the store. Then we got screwed over by a reputable company when we tried to refinance our mortgage (we were outright lied to) Then I ended up with a hefty penalty bill on my kids' B-day party, because people who didn't RSVP showed up. Then the cherry on top was receiving a $3,000.00 bill in the mail for our son's dental work a few months ago--a bill that we had been told was covered by insurance...a bill that arrived here labeled 90 days past due and with finance charges attached (no, we hadn't received any previous communication from them) On top of all this, I was in terrible pain when my allergies kicked in from the incredibly windy weather. I was in the car complaining to my husband that I was so happy to say good riddance to such an awful week, and I couldn't believe my allergies were so horrible, when my son asked me if God makes everything happen for a reason, shouldn't I be rejoicing? Darn it, who is teaching these kids these things?? Oh, yeah. I guess if I'm going to have a pity party, it should be out of the earshot of the kiddos, otherwise I'm likely to learn something or grow a little ;) Someone reminded me this week as I was complaining that I am so freaking sick of learning lessons in life, that if I wasn't learning, I wouldn't be growing. I have to admit, this was a week that I would have happily accepted less growth. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay less. Laying about and enjoying the scenery, with nothing happening at all kind of less. I'm real mature that way.

Encouragement

My Sunday school lesson today was based on the following, and I found it so encouraging, I had to share with the rest of the blogosphere :) The Strange Ways of Our Wonderful Builder October 31, 2001 by John Piper topic: The Sovereignty of God Was Christ building his church on September 11? The reason this question rises is the absolute, universal authority behind Jesus' promise in Matthew 16:18, "I will build my church." Who said this? The one who spoke and fevers departed (Luke 4:39), trees withered (Mark 11:21), demons obeyed (Mark 1:27), Satan was plundered (Mark 3:27), wind ceased (Mark 4:41), the dead were raised (Luke 7:14; John 11:43), thousands ate from five loaves and two fish (Matthew 14:19-21), and water became wine (Matthew 14:26) or a walkway for his feet (Matthew 4:46). This power over heaven and earth and hell is explicitly related to Christ's missionary commitment to build his church. "I will build my church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it" (Matthew 16:18). "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations" (Matthew 28:18-19). In other words, Jesus is firmly committed to use his power over heaven and earth and hell to make disciples. No event in the universe which Christ produces or permits is outside his purpose to build his church. But it doesn't look that way. His ways are not our ways. He seldom moves in a straight line from A to B. The way up is almost always down. The convoluted path of God in redemptive history brings Paul to these words, "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!" (Romans 11:33). For example, was Christ triumphantly building his church when he was killed by his enemies and buried for three days? Jesus answers: "Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up" (John 2:19). "I lay down my life for the sheep. And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. . . . No one takes it from me . . . I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again" (John 10:15-16, 18). In other words, what looked like failure and tragedy was total authority - plus the purchase of "other sheep." By the worst sin that has ever been committed - the murder of the Son of God - Jesus was triumphantly building his church. Was Christ building his church when the apostle Paul was imprisoned in Rome? Paul answers: "What has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ. And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear" (Philippians 1:12-14). I am "bound with chains as a criminal. But the word of God is not bound!" (2 Timothy 2:8). In other words, what looked like defeat was Christ's strange design for victory. Was Christ building his church in China when the Communists triumphed in 1949, ending 150 years of Protestant missionary presence? "The growth of the Church in China [since then] has no parallels in history. . . . Mao Zedong unwittingly became the greatest evangelist in history. . . . [He] sought to destroy all religious 'superstition' but in the process cleared spiritual roadblocks for the advancement of Christianity. Deng [Xiaoping] reversed the horrors inflicted by Mao and in freeing up the economy, gave more freedom to the Christians. . . . [Today] the Church of the Lord Jesus is larger than the Communist Party of China" (Patrick Johnstone, Operation World). So then, was this all-ruling Christ building his church on September 11? I answer with questions that are not merely hypothetical. What if Christ saw the planes heading for the destruction of thousands and the upheaval of nations? What if, at the same time, he saw 200 million Hindu untouchables in India, the Dalits? What if he saw that his centuries-long work of dislodging them from Hindu bondage was about to come to consummation in our day and they were contemplating embracing Islam or possibly Christianity or Buddhism? And what if he foresaw that this Islam-related terror against civilians in New York would have the mass effect of tilting millions of Dalits away from Islam toward Christ? What if he withheld his power from stopping the terrorists because (along with 10,000 other hope-filled effects) he had a view to the everlasting life of millions of untouchables in India? And if not this, perhaps my grandchildren will tell a better story of sovereign grace. Joining Jesus with you on the Calvary road, Pastor John © Desiring God Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on our website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Desiring God. Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: desiringGod.org --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Are you ever going to have a BABY?

“Are you ever going to have a baby?” I get this question from a lot of people--including my own daughter. Some people have even asked me if I have something against babies! It probably won’t surprise you that I don’t mind that question a bit, because it opens the door for me to talk about something I’m very passionate about. Since why we chose to adopt an older child is a very common question for our family, I’m going to attempt to answer it here. When hubby and I actively began the adoption process, we truly felt comfortable opening our home and hearts to a child of any age. Through the church, we have ministered to children from the age of newborn through high school. We love kids. Each and every age is so amazing. At the same time, we also decided to leave the infants for infertile people, and decided that if we wanted a baby, we’d go the old fashioned route (though due to chronic physical issues, pregnancy is not a very appealing option for me) People who are seeking to adopt are usually in 1 of 2 categories: they are passionate about orphans, or it’s plan B (conception being plan A) I’m not knocking plan B-- I firmly believe our plan B is often God’s plan A J But I’m sure you can understand how a couple hoping to conceive would desire to adopt an infant, and more often than not, an infant who looks like them (not every family enjoys being a walking billboard for adoption) So we figured we’d leave the babies for those who need them. We’ve since changed our minds on that matter--as we’ve received several e-mails begging for adoptive parents for domestic minority infant adoption. Our hearts go towards the need, so now that we know the need is there too, it's possible we may end up with a baby in a couple years, should God lead us in that direction. But I digress. Adopting an older child certainly isn’t the easiest route, but it may well be the most rewarding and satisfying. Believe it or not, a lot of people haven’t been incredibly supportive of our decision, even pastors have questioned our choice, informing us (now mind you, not even ONE of the people warning us have ever been an adoptive parent) that “these kids have problems” and “how would you know how to parent an older child when you’ve never parented an infant?” My answer to the first is that we all have problems, and thank God he doesn’t avoid adopting us because we have “problems”! My answer to the second objection is this: by the grace of God. It saddens me that people don’t think that older children deserve the same loving home an infant does. That’s what it comes down to really. People say they want to see older children in loving homes… many just don’t want it to be their home or the home of someone they love. Some people even go so far as to blame the child (though no one has been brave enough to do this to my face) saying that obviously there’s something wrong with the kids whose parents aren’t willing to parent them. I assure you, it’s not the fault of the child if their parent makes the choice to love illegal drugs instead of their baby. It’s a not child’s fault if their parent chooses to beat them, or molest them. It’s not the child’s fault when a parent chooses not to feed them or supervise them, or provide them with clothing and shelter. Do some of these kids have “problems”? Well, of course! Are these “problems” insurmountable? Well, I don’t know. Is anything insurmountable with the power of God? God has blessed my family abundantly. He hasn’t given us a great deal of monetary wealth, but he has given us a wealth of love and compassion. That is the answer to why we have chosen to adopt older children. This is a family built on love, and we are so excited to share that love with the children God has appointed to our family!

One Tough Cookie?

I’m not Wonder Woman. I’m sure this doesn’t shock you. It kinda shocks me, I guess. Today someone I don’t know offered to do something very kind for me to help me out at their own time and expense. They offered via e-mail, and I haven’t responded yet. It’s something I really need help with, yet, it’s so hard to accept the help. I’m very touched that it was offered, and it means a lot. I don’t fear owing this person anything. I help other people all the time. I insist on helping others often. So why is this so hard for me? I have spent my days during this deployment, alternating between “I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.” and “God, I can’t do this, help me!” So when help comes along, you’d think I’d pounce on it gratefully. I am grateful, by the way. I am deeply touched when anyone offers to help me or give me words of encouragement. It’s just hard to admit I need the help. I guess it’s because we chose this. Serving our country is important to our family, so we chose to be put through this. I guess part of me feels like when you make your bed, you’re supposed to lie in it and like it. Sort of like the first couple of rough months after our daughter came home to us. I felt like I was in waaaaaaay over my head, yet when people asked how I was doing or if I needed help, I just pasted a smile on my face and told them everything was fine. After all, I chose my child, so I should be able to handle it, right? It’s kind of funny: in these situations, I’ve begged God for help, but when it’s been offered, I’ve refused. I’ve been surrounded by wonderful people who have offered to serve me in kindness, and I cannot accept it joyfully as the gift it is. I feel ashamed when I have to accept help. A bit of it is that when someone vaguely offers to help if you need anything, you don’t know if they’re on the level, or just trying to be nice. Most of it though is, I wonder how fair it is for me to sign up for a challenging life, then lean on others when the going gets tough. After all, those other people didn’t sign up for this. I believe God has ordained all things. He has called my husband to a job that make my life very challenging at times. So does that mean that because God has directed our life, that I should be perfectly equipped to deal with it without asking for help, or does it mean that he will just surround me with the help I need as I need it? I gotta say, I don’t feel all that equipped to handle things all on my own. But I still feel bad reaching out for help. Kinda twisted, huh?

You Have No Idea What You're In For!

“You have no idea what you’re in for.” That was one of the responses I received when I shared the happy news of the newest addition to our family--an 8-year-old boy we’ve been matched with for adoption. Actually, I do have an inkling of what we’re in for: we adopted our daughter when she was 6 ½. I know a child who has had to be separated from their biological family for their own health and safety, then placed in a foster home, isn’t going to come through these circumstances unscathed. I know that adoption is hard. Taking a wounded child, and making them a part of your family is challenging. It is also infinitely rewarding. I have a wonderful life, and I love it, but it’s not an easy life. God has not seen fit to give me an easy life, and I praise Him for that. When I face challenges, and He brings me through them, I am reminded of His great love for me. It blows me away. I honestly had no idea what I was in for when we adopted our daughter. While I never once regretted our decision, I often asked God if he was sure I was up to the task! He reminded me that I’m not. It’s only through him that I’m able to be the parent my daughter needs. Now I see my amazing, beautiful, smart, sassy daughter who loves the Lord, and I think, while I never would have pictured the difficulties, I also never would have pictured that God would give me such an amazing child. I never anticipated that I would love her this much, that she would be such a part of me, and that I would be such a part of her. Don’t get me wrong, I pictured parenthood as being amazing, I just didn’t know it would be this amazing! When I think about it, really, I had no idea what I was getting into when I made most of the decisions I’ve made in life (like getting married at 18!!), but God has taken me through difficult circumstances, and strengthened my relationship with him and with my loved ones in the process. His ways are not our ways. Praise God! My ways would be easy, insipid, and comfortable. Instead of letting me settle for what I wanted, God gave me so much more. I feel like all I wanted was a silver plated necklace, and he gave me a palace full of every kind of jewel and precious metal you could imagine. Not to mention the adventure! He’s also given me amazing love. At our wedding, we had a passage from Song of Solomon read. Part of it reads “Many waters cannot quench love, nor can floods drown it.” Through the circumstances of my life, God has helped me to live and know that passage better. Through the difficult times, our family has grown in love for one another to an unfathomable level. His love for me is so much more apparent. If God had given me exactly what I thought I wanted, I would have become content to sit in a mud puddle. I cried because he didn’t give me what I wanted, not realizing during the difficult times that God was withholding from me the mud, to hand me a castle. So nope, I have no idea what I’m in for. Neither do you. Praise God! He surprises us with His great love and beautiful grace every single day!

Dog is my Co-pilot... and gift from God above

It saddens me so much when I contemplate the plight of dogs and cats in shelters every day. I know, it’s a big shocker that the woman who wants to find a home for every orphan in the world wishes every dog and cat could have a home too. Some people call me a softie, others ‘the crazy dog lady’ others just call me crazy. Our family has 6 pets, and 5 of them are rescues. I can see how some people would think it’s a tad odd. It’s a lot of work, and a lot of expense, but most of all it is a lot of joy. You see, I’m not some emotional nut who can’t help herself. I feel that it’s a calling from God. A lot of people scoff at the time, expense, and effort I’ve gone to in helping mere animals when abortion and poverty exist in the world. But a sin is a sin--whether it’s discarding the animals God has entrusted to our care, or the continued death of the unborn through abortion. God has laid the plight of these animals on my heart, and I’m going to fight for them, whatever evils exist in the world that someone else may deem a more worthy cause. If you’ve had the joy of sharing your life with a dog, you know what I’m talking about when I say dogs are special. We enjoy each and every member of our 5 dog pack. People scratch their heads at that--so many think that to have more than 1 dog is redundant. I assure you, it is not! They are each so different, and you can form such amazing relationships with them. One of things I find most amazing about God’s love for us is the existence of the dog. He didn’t need to give us dogs, but he loves us so much, that he did any way. Dogs are amazing for our health and well being. I have been through many agonizingly lonely periods in my life. If it hadn’t been for the canine companions God placed in my life during those difficult times, I don’t know how I would have gotten through. Their personalities and capabilities are absolutely astounding. I enjoy their companionship so much. I also appreciate all the things they do for me (aside from plowing through bags of food and vet bills!) They provide me a much needed source of protection, as my hubby, by the nature of his job, is often away. They encourage me to get out and exercise. They eased my daughter’s transition into our household (as I imagine they will do for our son when he joins us in a couple months). They provide me with much entertainment and joy. They watch my daughter when we’re at the park, and don’t allow strange dogs/people near her when she’s out of my reach. Okay, you’re thinking, so get a dog, not 5! Well, that’s where the calling from God part comes in. He gave us these amazing creatures, and told us to take care of them. We in turn, allowed them to breed indiscriminately, then abandoned the ones couldn’t care for. The pet overpopulation problem is so out of control, that many dogs, while not intentionally so, are basically bred to be killed. God gave me a desire to care for these animals and help them. So that’s what I’m doing. Not everyone can keep up with and enjoy several dogs, but he designed me with these abilities and desires. Maybe God has laid a different cause on your heart. Maybe he’s given you several (as he has for our family) That’s great! He’s made us all so different, each with different gifts and purposes. Don’t assume though, that your cause is somehow more important than mine; when God lays something on your heart, you should give it your all no matter what it is.

I'm adopted

I’m adopted. The only parents I’ve ever known are the ones who conceived me, yet I assure you, I’m adopted. God has adopted me as his daughter. My adoption is something I never contemplated very much until I became an adoptive parent myself. I “get” my adoption now, in so many ways I never did before. Becoming an adoptive parent has revealed so many things to me that I never saw before. It’s like I can view my relationship with my heavenly father from angles, that were previously unavailable to me. So many times I just sit back and say “wow” --other times I’m completely speechless. It’s hard to put much of it in words, but I’m going to do my best. Forgive me if these thoughts seem a little random and disorganized. I’ve always been aware that I am a daughter of God, but I admit I‘ve struggled with assurance of my salvation. I think that a lot of that is that, while I contemplated being a daughter of God I didn’t consider my adoption much. Adoption is CHOOSING a person to be your own child. My daughter isn’t just my daughter, she is my CHOSEN daughter. I chose to be HER parent, come what may. God chose me. There’s an amazing commitment there when you think about it. I wasn’t thrust upon him; God chose to be my father. He picked me as his, and he will never let me go. One of my favourite songs is You Never Let Go by Matt Redman. The chorus says: Oh no, You never let go Through the calm and through the storm Oh no, You never let go In every high and every low Oh no, You never let go Lord, You never let go of me Never did this become more real to me until I became an adoptive parent and realized, I was choosing this child as mine, and that I would love her faithfully forever--no matter what. When my daughter rejects me at times, it gives me a small look into how God feels when I reject him. Here he plucked me from misery, he shows me the path of righteousness, and I often say no thanks--I’d rather something less. It’s almost unfathomable until you see it in action as a parent. I remember one very difficult evening with my daughter shortly after her arrival to our home. She was having an awful fit--kicking, hitting, and spewing terrible hateful words at me. I just grabbed her and held her. I rocked her, and every time she said she hated me, I said “I love you. Papa loves you. God loves you. Even if you hate me, I will never stop loving you.” after a while, she stopped screaming that she hated me, and started crying and saying “Don’t love me! Stop it! I don’t want you to love me! I won’t let you love me! Please don’t love me!” I just kept reassuring her of my love for her. Eventually through her tears she said she loved me and needed my love. Later, as I reflected on that difficult evening, I could hardly believe it. Here I was offering her love, and she begged me not to love her!! It sounds rather ridiculous, doesn’t it? But how many times does our heavenly Father pour his love out to us, only to have us reject him! And he is always faithful to me. I didn’t birth my child from my womb. I birthed her from my very soul. That probably sounds rather dramatic, and it is. When you take a wounded person and claim them as your own, so many tears and prayers go into the process. It gives me a small window at times (granted, a very small window!) of what it must be like for God to take us, and though we may be absolutely wounded and utterly shattered, he brings us into his family to become beloved sons and daughters. One day, I saw my daughter walk up to my husband, and say “How can I ever thank you for adopting me?” It reminds me of my gratefulness to God. He has given me a home and a name. Without him, I would have nothing. Often when we pray at bedtime, my daughter thanks God for giving her parents. I pray along with her, thanking him for my amazing daughter, and I cannot help but thank him for being my loving Father. There are many other things God has taught me about my adoption through my experience as an adoptive parent, and I know that there are probably many more lessons down the road (particularly as we embark on the adoption of our son in the coming months) Some of them I’m sure he’ll teach me over and over again. I am continually amazed, that he saw fit to not only give me motherhood, but to give me a daily peek into my relationship with him as my relationship with my child grows.

What would it look like if Christians were like Christ?

I’ve been reading a really good book lately. It’s called Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families & Churches. The author, Russell Moore, asks the reader: “…what would it mean if our churches and families were known as the people who adopt babies--and toddlers, and children, and teenagers. What if we as Christians were known, once again, as the people who take in orphans and make of them beloved sons and daughters?” I read that and audibly said “YES!” Then my mind started going further. What if we as Christians were known, once again, as people who help the sick and the poor or anyone in need? What if we were known as people who have a burning passion for Christ that cannot be sated? I read articles about Christians the world over who risk their lives, their health, their wealth, and their comfort for insatiable passion for Christ. I can’t help but imagine: what would it look like if that were the norm in Christianity? I can‘t get it out of my head. I’ve had conversations with my non christian friends about Christianity and Christians. They tend to view Christians through the 3 P’s: They’re political, preachy, and they pray a lot. Really? Is that what we’re known for? What would happen if we became less inward focused, and started showing Christ to the world? Now you’re probably feeling a little ruffled. How could I call us inward focused? After all, we’re Christians! We teach Sunday School, tell our children about Christ, tithe 10% and give donations to ministries, and missionaries, and couples who need help adopting. Look at how much we do for Christ! Those are certainly nice things, and certainly I’m not saying you should stop, I guess I’m asking more, why stop there? Have you noticed how inward they’re focused? I know, we’re caught up with mortgages, jobs, child rearing-- there’s not much of us left over for much else. After all, we need a good quality of life as well. That seems to be a uniquely American attitude though. Jesus didn’t ask us to follow Him as long as it fits in between our nice house, new cars, flat screen TV, and “me time”. How many of us look at the sacrifices made by other Christians or missionaries around the world, and admire it, but feel it’s too radical for us? What would it look like if we as Christians became known as the people who reflected Christ? I have a feeling it would look pretty radical. So often I hear: “I would love to be involved in missions…someday.” “We would love to adopt…someday.” “There’s this ministry I would love to start…someday” So my question to you (and to me) is this: Our lives are but a vapor, so what are you waiting for????