Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression;
bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause. Isaiah 1:17

Monday, March 26, 2012

Proud Mama...

Missy at It's Almost Naptime has a brilliant idea: My Kid Rocks Monday. It's too easy to focus on the more challenging aspects of parenthood sometimes, so Missy has suggested Mondays for bragging on our kiddos. This is a blog hop I'm only too happy to join!

My Zeze really is one of the most thoughtful caring human beings you could ever meet. She's so sensitive to the needs of those around her. This deployment has been hard on me, and she knows it. So to make my life easier, she writes me little love notes, comes up and rubs my back, and organizes surprise cleaning up of toys. These are all things she's done for me in the past week. Today my sweetie pie helped her little sister with her math, and cleaned up all their toys cheerfully for me AND volunteered to fold clothes for me :)

CJ is having a really time time with having his Papa away. It's been a really rough challenge, but that hasn't stopped him from being helpful when he can. He even took the trash out without being asked (AND remembered to replace the liner in the trash can!) Today he got his math done in record time with nary a complaint. He also drew a beautiful picture of a coyote pup howling at the moon (he's an amazing artist!!!)

Chérie is just pure sweetness. This morning when she realized CJ was cold, she covered him with part of the blanket she was bundled in. This afternoon when my mom was complaining that she could never beat my score on Word Drop, Chérie came right over and said "I'll help you, Grandma!" I teased her and said it wasn't fair to gang up on me, and she said, "But Grandma needs my help!"

Monday, March 12, 2012

Missing him

It's 12:30 am, and I'm not sleeping because my heart aches for my hubby. Sigh. Deployments never get any easier.

I remember when we were first married and stationed in CO Springs. Being married to a soldier was...quite an adjustment. The separations were really hard. People told me not worry--that they get easier. They Lied. Through. Their. Teeth. Each deployment gets so much harder. With each one we've shared more of a life together, we've become more...one. Being apart hurts so much more now.

Then there are the kids. Their pain in being separated from their father only intensifies mine. Every happy moment and accomplishment has a sad part to it as well, as they inevitably mention "I wish Papa were here for this."

My lack of friendships has also really stood out this time around. We've increased our family by three children in three years. That doesn't leave a lot of time for friendships. Until Cullen left, I didn't realize how much I depended on him as my (nearly) sole source of friendship and support. The frustrating thing is that being a temporarily single parent to 3 kiddos really doesn't put me in a position to seek fellowship with other women.

The upside I suppose, to these challenges, is that what doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. I know it makes my relationships with my hubby and kids stronger. Cullen has a lot of trust in me right now. My kids and I have really had to band together to keep going. My appreciation and love for my husband has grown in his absence. These are strange blessings, because they are blessings, but they're born out of a lot of pain.

Pain as blessing is hard for me to grasp. Which is kind of funny, because in many ways, it's been rather the theme of my life. I tend to think that blessings should come out of the blue, like a wonderful gift as you're just going about in life. Certainly not be born out of gritty, bloody difficult circumstances. I'm coming to understand though, that the best things in life are the ones fought for--the ones that are hurt and anguish redeemed.

Now I don't even know if I'm making sense any more, as it's the middle of the night. But I feel better, and hopefully I can sleep--knowing full well that tomorrow holds more pain...and more blessing.