Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression;
bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause. Isaiah 1:17

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


Well, I'll tell you: there's no point in worrying about your circumstances.

I couldn't sleep last night. I was worried about my dog. I was worried about all the other things from my earlier post. There was no point, because today brought whole new worries!

Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, I had to take one of my dogs to the vet for emergency treatment (NOT the one who was terribly sick yesterday) then my husband required urgent minor surgery.

...but I know God is in control of it all

...now I need to try to refrain from worried tonight about what tomorrow might hold!

Scary things working together for good...

It has been a really rough week—one of the worst I’ve had actually…and it only WEDNESDAY! I shudder to contemplate what else the week might hold.

So far this week, I’ve had to call 911 twice (not for anyone in my family, thankfully), my husband found out he will be deploying (and it’s disappointingly sooner than we had anticipated), one of my dogs has been desperately ill, my mom left for home, my kids have been depressed and bottling their emotions in my mom’s absence, and we found that there’s a possibility (a rather strong one, actually) that due to the military my husband will be forced to live apart from us for a long period of time in a year and a half or so (longer than can be measured in mere months)

It’s times like these that I question every decision we’ve made, looking for the mistake. It’s times like these when I’m glad the world is ending on Saturday. (Just kidding about the second one) I think I question every decision we’ve made because it’s hard for me to imagine at times that life’s circumstances can be very difficult and still have gone exactly as planned. Thankfully one of the stressful experiences at beginning of the week illustrates (on a very small scale) how even that which appears to be difficult in life can have an important purpose.

On Friday my mom was delayed on her trip home because my sis (whom she was supposed to travel with) was dealing with hassles in getting out of base housing. She was delayed until Monday. This dragged out the misery of good-byes, and my poor sis was living like a nomad until she had permission to leave. Then on Sunday I was installing a curtain rod (desperately needed in my upstairs east facing bedroom window) when I started breaking the screw anchors. I’ve never done that before, and I was REALLY frustrated. So hubby took me to Home Depot to buy more. In Home Depot we ran into friends. We chatted, and as we were saying goodbye, one of our friends collapsed and lost consciousness. Hubby and I dialed 911, and stayed with them until paramedics arrived (my husband is a CPR instructor and knows first aid) The employees were nice, but utterly clueless; it was good that we were there. When I got home I told my mom what happened. She said “You were providentially hindered from installing that curtain rod so you could be at Home Depot where you were needed.” Later she also reminded me that if my sister hadn’t been hindered in leaving base housing, mom would not have been there to watch the kids, and Cullen and I would not have been able to be at Home Depot.

I’ve been clinging to that experience all week. I may never know this side of heaven why these difficult circumstances are being heaped upon us right now, but I can have confidence that everything—the good and the difficult work together according to God’s purposes. The scary things are still frightening, but I know I have a God who loves me, and He will care for me. Even though I can’t see the big picture, I can rest in knowing that He drew the big picture.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mothers Day?

I feel conflicted on Mothers Day. I love that my kids get so excited about it, and they love to celebrate me on this day...but I hate Mother's Day. I feel the dread creeping up about 2 weeks beforehand. I can remember so keenly the miserable mothers days I spent in years past: childless and begging God to make me a mother. I cannot help but feel that raw pain all over again when this day approaches. I think of all the women silently suffering on Mothers Day. Some desperate to be mothers, some desperate to have a close relationship with their own mothers, others suffering the grief of losing a child. It's a hard day for so many. While I love the bright smiles, cards, and gifts from my children, I weep for those in pain. I know that pain. Few things can hurt deeper than unfulfilled desires regarding the mother/child relationship.

Noel Piper wrote a Mother's Day blog post that resonated with me deeply:

When Mothers Day isn't a celebration

I encourage you to go read it--even if today is the happiest day of the year for you.

As for me, I'm going to end the day on a positive note with one of my very favorite quotes:

"There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own."
~Robert Brault