In the words of Winnie the Pooh: "Think think think."

I imagine most of you out there in the blogosphere have seen Jefferson Bethke’s “Why I Hate Religion But Love Jesus,” but perhaps you've missed two excellent responses (both responses include the video, so if you haven't seen it, you'll have the chance to before reading the responses to it) Personally, I think Bethke's video is an excellent example of why it's important to think critically and look below the surface; just because something sounds good, and makes you feel good, doesn't mean it is good.

So please go check this out, and this too--even if you disagree, I think you may still enjoy reading these responses.

I may not have time to write blog posts, but...

I do have time to pass on a terrific link to a blog post. Holly's post here, is the best post I've read in a while. She provided me with some much needed encouragement, and I pass this post along with the hopes that it will provide the same encouragement for you too!

There is a reason for everything...

...and the reason I haven't blogged in forever is because at the end of December we were placed with a little girl for adoption. Then my hubby deployed 10 days later. 'Nuff said ;)

I'll likely be back blogging about our newest journeys in life once I have a chance to catch my breath. That might be days, weeks or months at this point. I haven't given up on blogging--I just have three little people requiring a lot of me at the moment.

That fine line...

I've often heard it said that there's a fine line between concern and worry. I think when it comes to the deployment of a loved one, that line is perforated.

It's normal when you're apart from your spouse for extended periods to think about them and what they're doing when you wake up in the morning, and when you're head hits the pillow at night...and about a million other times during the day. It's normal when you know they're in a dangerous part of the world, to scan the headlines first thing in the morning to see if anything happened in that part of the world.

As we prepare for my husband's deployment, it's prudent for me to consider what I should do if he doesn't come back. We have two kids, and I need to plan for our future. We've been married nearly 13 years; I met my hubby when I was 16. We were engaged when I was 17, and married when I was barely 18. We've grown up together. We've influenced one another incredibly. When I think about the possibility of him not coming home, all of these thoughts go through my head. My chest starts to hurt, and I feel like I can't breathe. Without even noticing, I've crossed over into the realm of worry from the perfectly sane place of concern.

If I cannot keep myself in the land of normal concern, what am I going to do with two kiddos who already worry incessantly that their father or I will die? These two already spend a great deal of their time in fearful worry.

Sigh. I suppose if life were too easy, I'd be bored with it.

...sometimes boring sounds nice though!

Here's a great article dealing with some of the ethical issues surrounding adoption today.

I especially loved this part:

If there’s one thing I could point to in myself and my adoption hopes that seems flawed and likely to contribute to corruption within the system, it’s this: Like most people, even evangelicals, I’d love to adopt a newborn. A healthy newborn. But the fact is, children fitting that description are a small percentage of the millions of orphans worldwide. Adopting an older child, and/or one with disabilities, seems different from adopting a “perfect” newborn. But you know what? If you read adoption literature widely and deeply, you’ll see that there is no single path to a “perfect” adoptive family. (And is there one path to any kind of “perfection” in any kind of family?) Even the healthy newborn adopted on day two can end up having serious attachment problems. The older child with a disability can become the joy of a couple’s life.

Yes, adoption is expensive (easily close to $30,000, depending on the route one takes), ethically confusing, frustrating, and occasionally heartbreaking. Our adoption by God through Christ wasn’t cheap, either, and we who would adopt shouldn’t give up because it’s hard. Rather, we should wisely discern what’s truly best for all involved—even if it means opening ourselves to the potential for greater hurt.

Because who knows? It may yet be the avenue for greater joy.

Waiting

My post title sums my life up pretty well. We're waiting.

Still in the adoption process waiting to be matched--waiting to find out who the next little precious member of this family will be.

Waiting (and dreading) my hubby's upcoming deployment. I don't care what anyone says, you never get used to living apart from your soul mate. Never. And it ALWAYS hurts. I want it over with. And I'm nervous about how the kids will take it. They're dread of it has more than begun as well.

Our other house has been on the market for more than 100 days. We really need it to sell. We don't even care about a profit anymore, we just need to be out from under the enormous burden of a second mortgage.

I know, everything happens in God's timing. In the meantime I hurt. I long for that little member of our family to join us. I worry that it won't ever happen. I worry about all the things that will go wrong during hubby's deployment. And trust me, stuff WILL go wrong. I know how much it hurts to be apart from him, and how much it hurts my kids. I'm not looking forward to our suffering. I'm downright scared that our other house won't sell and that we're going to run out of money in the meantime (which day by day becomes an increasingly very real possibility). I'd like to say I'm 100% confident that these things will happen in God's perfect timing, that He will care for us and comfort us no matter what transpires in the meantime...but sometimes I worry, and a little voice whispers in my head what if He doesn't? What if He doesn't care? I'm totally crappy at trusting God. I always want to know the reasons WHY it all hurts so much sometimes.

It just so happens that today when I've really been struggling with these doubts and fears, I picked up a book and read the following by Os Guinness:

To suffer is one thing, to suffer without meaning is another, but to suffer and choose not to press for meaning is the worst of all. Yet that is the suicidal submission that faith's suspension of judgement seems to involve.

There are times when we see glimpses of God's ways but not enough to allow us to make true conclusions about what he is doing and why. Yet we cannot resist jumping to conclusions anyway. Then, being insistent as well as inquisitive, we refuse to suspend judgement, and our wrong conclusions to misrepresent God that we end by doubting him. But if Christian's faith is to be itself and let God be God at such times, it must suspend judgement and say, "Father, I do not understand you, but I trust you."

Os Guinness goes on to outline why we can trust God. It really was just what I needed today. I still feel antsy and scared and have no idea what the future holds and how many heartbreaks may be ahead. But now my mind returns to these words from Os Guinness:

Doubts about the Father are silenced in the Son...the truth of the Incarnation is not just good theology; it is practical comfort and assurance. Jesus identifies with us in our humanity, and now we know that God is for us in Christ. He can be trusted. He went through torture too. When we see Jesus on the cross we can come to trust God with an unutterable trust that never for a moment considers he will not stand by us in our sufferings.

Do children destroy wedded bliss?

I read an interesting blog post today. Here a woman insists that she and her husband enjoy a "lifetime honeymoon" because they’ve avoided numerous stressors by choosing not to have children. I think she’s dead wrong, and I come from the unique experience of having been child free for 10 years of marriage before becoming a parent.

Now, I want to preface this by saying that I do not believe every couple should have children. Just as God calls some to singlehood, I also believe that He calls others to a life void of parenting. I believe every person should follow God’s will for their lives, and that a fulfilling life can only be found by doing so. Also, if you go to the woman’s blog to read her opinion, please don’t leave comments attacking her or the purpose of her blog. I’ve included the link because I believe it to be a fascinating (though erroneous) post, and my own post was brought to my mind after thinking about hers, but I have no wish to cause her any problems with negative traffic on her blog.

My husband and I have always been deeply in love—before and after children. But having children is an experience I’m glad we’ve had because it’s certainly adds a new dimension to that love. I get the opportunity to see my husband love and care for his children. I see him sacrifice himself for them, and my love for him increases as I watch him. I know that not only has our love intensified through the parenting process, but we’ve each gathered a whole new appreciation of one another as we see the other parent. We also work together as a team in a whole new way.

Parenting is a job after all—an enjoyable, rewarding job, but certainly a job nonetheless. Working together side by side with your lover and best friend on an intensely personal, emotional, fulfilling and challenging mission is hard to describe in words. It brings a certain satisfaction and intimacy to your marriage that would be difficult to replicate outside the role of parenting.

So, let’s talk about stress. Do kids add stress? Well, I’m curious; doesn’t any close relationship add an element of stress? I know that I love my dogs more than life itself, but they’re expensive and we’ve dealt with intensely stressful behavioral problems. I know that just about every close friendship I’ve had has involved stressful conflict at some point. Every relationship comes with its problems, but we get and give so much out of it that I can’t imagine avoiding relationships to avoid stress. Not to mention stress can strengthen a relationship.

I know that sounds crazy, but think about it. It’s sort of along the line of what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. My relationship with my husband is very strong, and I attribute that in large part due to the fact that we’ve walked through fire together—before and after having children. When you’re going through rough circumstances, it’s hard to look past the agony, but once you’re through it, you can look back and thank God for giving you an experience that forced you and husband to come together before God and trust Him to carry you through. Now, I’m not saying that parenting is agony—far from it, but I’m trying to show that going through hard times (whether or not children are in the picture) together strengthens your bond. Parenting may or may not be one of those hard things—depending on your personal circumstances.

Has parenthood reduced the satisfaction of some marriages? I’m sure it has, judging from the number of “confessions” out in cyber land. Does it reduce the satisfaction of every marriage? Absolutely not. Can having children increase the satisfaction of your marriage? Judging from my own marriage, and my friends’ marriages whom I’ve discussed this with, I can only answer with: absolutely yes.