Ha!

Well, I'll tell you: there's no point in worrying about your circumstances.

I couldn't sleep last night. I was worried about my dog. I was worried about all the other things from my earlier post. There was no point, because today brought whole new worries!

Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, I had to take one of my dogs to the vet for emergency treatment (NOT the one who was terribly sick yesterday) then my husband required urgent minor surgery.

...but I know God is in control of it all

...now I need to try to refrain from worried tonight about what tomorrow might hold!

Scary things working together for good...

It has been a really rough week—one of the worst I’ve had actually…and it only WEDNESDAY! I shudder to contemplate what else the week might hold.

So far this week, I’ve had to call 911 twice (not for anyone in my family, thankfully), my husband found out he will be deploying (and it’s disappointingly sooner than we had anticipated), one of my dogs has been desperately ill, my mom left for home, my kids have been depressed and bottling their emotions in my mom’s absence, and we found that there’s a possibility (a rather strong one, actually) that due to the military my husband will be forced to live apart from us for a long period of time in a year and a half or so (longer than can be measured in mere months)

It’s times like these that I question every decision we’ve made, looking for the mistake. It’s times like these when I’m glad the world is ending on Saturday. (Just kidding about the second one) I think I question every decision we’ve made because it’s hard for me to imagine at times that life’s circumstances can be very difficult and still have gone exactly as planned. Thankfully one of the stressful experiences at beginning of the week illustrates (on a very small scale) how even that which appears to be difficult in life can have an important purpose.

On Friday my mom was delayed on her trip home because my sis (whom she was supposed to travel with) was dealing with hassles in getting out of base housing. She was delayed until Monday. This dragged out the misery of good-byes, and my poor sis was living like a nomad until she had permission to leave. Then on Sunday I was installing a curtain rod (desperately needed in my upstairs east facing bedroom window) when I started breaking the screw anchors. I’ve never done that before, and I was REALLY frustrated. So hubby took me to Home Depot to buy more. In Home Depot we ran into friends. We chatted, and as we were saying goodbye, one of our friends collapsed and lost consciousness. Hubby and I dialed 911, and stayed with them until paramedics arrived (my husband is a CPR instructor and knows first aid) The employees were nice, but utterly clueless; it was good that we were there. When I got home I told my mom what happened. She said “You were providentially hindered from installing that curtain rod so you could be at Home Depot where you were needed.” Later she also reminded me that if my sister hadn’t been hindered in leaving base housing, mom would not have been there to watch the kids, and Cullen and I would not have been able to be at Home Depot.

I’ve been clinging to that experience all week. I may never know this side of heaven why these difficult circumstances are being heaped upon us right now, but I can have confidence that everything—the good and the difficult work together according to God’s purposes. The scary things are still frightening, but I know I have a God who loves me, and He will care for me. Even though I can’t see the big picture, I can rest in knowing that He drew the big picture.

Happy Mothers Day?

I feel conflicted on Mothers Day. I love that my kids get so excited about it, and they love to celebrate me on this day...but I hate Mother's Day. I feel the dread creeping up about 2 weeks beforehand. I can remember so keenly the miserable mothers days I spent in years past: childless and begging God to make me a mother. I cannot help but feel that raw pain all over again when this day approaches. I think of all the women silently suffering on Mothers Day. Some desperate to be mothers, some desperate to have a close relationship with their own mothers, others suffering the grief of losing a child. It's a hard day for so many. While I love the bright smiles, cards, and gifts from my children, I weep for those in pain. I know that pain. Few things can hurt deeper than unfulfilled desires regarding the mother/child relationship.

Noel Piper wrote a Mother's Day blog post that resonated with me deeply:

When Mothers Day isn't a celebration

I encourage you to go read it--even if today is the happiest day of the year for you.

As for me, I'm going to end the day on a positive note with one of my very favorite quotes:

"There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own."
~Robert Brault

Treading boiling water

I have had one of the worst days. My allergies are exacerbated by horrible winds. There’s a lot of unbelievable stress. We’re supposed to close on our new home in 2 days. There are so many little problems and issues cropping up that it seems almost impossible. Packing is slow going. I managed to be in hot water with my mother, my sister and my spouse by day’s end (all separate issues, believe it or not!) My dogs have been ill behaved and obnoxious (and one of my children too!)

It’s one of those days that I feel like I’m not just treading hot water, but boiling water. It’s days like these that make it feel impossible that tomorrow will be better. I don’t want a clean slate tomorrow. I want a clean slate today. I’d like to go back in time and do today over again (maybe this time I wouldn’t get out of bed!) However, I know that if I went back and lived each day over again until I got it right, my life would look like a bad remake of Groundhog Day. Part of me thinks instead of do overs, maybe I need clones (one of me could smooth things over with my sis while another deals with my naughty dogs, and yet another could pack!) More of me though, would probably mean more trouble.

I think I’d actually like to go to sleep and wake up significantly more sanctified. Hopefully that's why days like these exist.

I don't care...

...if you've been married for 5 minutes, or 50 years, you should go read this amazing post on marriage: Refined by Fire

Do you ever eat strawberries?

If so, you really should read this post over at Elana's Pantry

Random thoughts...

The past couple days have been immensely stressful as we've waited to hear whether a government shutdown would happen. Because President Obama refused to make an exemption for military, my husband would have been put in a position where he would be forced to work without pay. Under normal circumstances that would be stressful, but we're closing on a new home in less than 2 weeks, we're not puting our current home on the market for another 3 weeks, the IRS is giving us problems about receiving our adoption tax credit, and we're beginning the adoption process. Stressful times. With all that's been on my mind, I haven't had a coherent thought for blogging. So here are my random thoughts over the past couple days. If I had time for Facebook statuses anymore, these would probably be them:

I'm SO glad my mom is here. I don't know what I'd do without her.

When I was going through the Border Patrol checkpoint yesterday, my MP3 player happened to be playing We No Speak Americano. I got quite a chuckle out of that.

A president who turns his back on his military has no business being president.

My mom gave me a great compliment the other day...
Mom: "How did you pass your sarcasm on to your kids already?"
Me: "What?"
Mom: "Your children use air quotes correctly! They're 8 and 9. Most adults don't use them correctly! I can't believe you've infused them with so much sarcasm already."
Me: "Thank you." :)

Never let your 9-year-old son play hairdresser. My head still hurts, and it took a long time to grow that 7 inches of hair I lost. :(

In 2012 I want to get signs for every candidate running against Obama, and put them in my yard with a homemade sign that reads "ANYONE but Obama!"

I find it's much easier to convince myself to get rid of books when I've packed 8 boxes of them and realize that I've packed fewer than 1/4 of my books.

Moving is not fun. I don't want to do this again for at least another 20 years!

I really wish my parents lived closer. They have an amazing impact on my children.

My hands are starting to get veiny like my mom's and my grandma's. I always naively assumed it would never happen to me.

My daughter lost a tooth yesterday, and my mind is so filled with stuff, I forgot to play tooth fairy! Fortunately Grammy figured out my mistake and swooped in to save the day.

I should be packing right now instead of playing around on the internet. I wish I had a staff.