Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression;
bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause. Isaiah 1:17

Monday, January 24, 2011

When is God going to just call me on the phone and tell me what to do??

Really rough day today. I am so unbelievably tired. And unsure. Some days with CJ I can see the path we're headed down, but it feels like I'm powerless to stop it. I can read and read and read on RAD, but it doesn't seem to help me figure out his brain. After months of the frustration building on both sides, we've enrolled him in school. You can't really home school if your child refuses to cooperate in any way shape or form. He cried and begged me to keep homeschooling. I wanted to cry too. Part of me feels relieved about a plan that will be so much better for everyone in our family. The stress levels should reduce for every person in this household. ZeZe will get much needed attention. She and I will have much needed bonding time. CJ will be in an environment where he will be more willing to cooperate with his educational plan....and yet.

There are some BIG downsides. This school will eat up every penny of the raise hubby got a mere 3 weeks ago. The raise that was supposed to go directly to debt. We will SIGNIFICANTLY lose a lot of the flexibility we cherish with the home school lifestyle. Our days will become much more hectic.

Oh, and I feel like a failure.

Sigh. I am dedicated to homeschooling. I particularly believe it's important when your child has attachment issues. I feel like I'm giving up on my kid. I feel like I was just too stupid to figure out how to make it work for him. This school is expensive and inconvenient, and I feel like it's my fault. I'm both mother and teacher, and neither role could figure out how to make homeschooling work for him.

I just want to do the right thing. So when is someone going to tell me what the right thing is?

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